My Race for Life x

The 22nd July was a very special Sunday.  It was the culmination of the past 8 months of cancer, surgery, chemotherapy and nasty side affects.  I had always been determined to complete the Race for Life and raise money so that people affected by cancer can be survivors like me!  I was surrounded by lots of people who are dear to me and who I love dearly.  Not only those running but those cheering us all along.

I wasn't able to run the whole race, so I walked the majority of the course, but I was so proud of myself when I ran through the finish line with my gorgeous girl on my shoulders.  I expected to be very emotional, but to be honest I felt really strong.  I was able to see this moment as the start of the next chapter of my life; a healthy, happy future.

Thank you so much for everyone who sponsored our team, we raised around £1500 online and I'm not sure how much offline!! incredible, I am so proud of everyone who helped make the day so successful and enjoyable.

All my beautiful Angels xx



Some of my gorgeous angels - my cousin Cheryl, Auntie Christine,
my cousin Kay and Cheryl's daughter Mia x

At the finish line with my gorgeous girl

 

These were around the house as we returned from the race xx

Much Love Cx



Tomorrow is the day....

This time tomorrow I will be setting off from the start line at the Race for Life with my angels by my side!  I feel overwhelmed that we have almost raised £1000, we are £30 away from that target, so come on, who is going to make it up to the magic figure of a grand?!?!

I am so looking forward to tomorrow, its almost like the start of my 'new life'.  It is something that my Mum and I have done every year for years, so it seems apt that I am not letting cancer get in the way of me doing it again.  I am sure that tomorrow will be an emotional day; the relief of the end of treatment, being surrounded by people who have been by my side through it all and just reading everyone's back signs. I am hopeful for a dry, sunny day.  I have got my kit ready, lots of pink accessories and my mind is the right place to get to the end of the race (not sure my body is ready though!).

So if you would like to donate just a small amount towards our amazing total then you can click on the link to the right or here.

Thank you all so much for your support and I look forward to telling you all about how tomorrow goes.

Much Love Cx

Its out!

Today I was up mega early to get to the hospital for 8.30 to have my Hickman Line removed.  This is something I have been really looking forward to; although it has worked excellently and is far more discreet than the PICC line, it was a final reminder of the treatment and i wanted it OUT!  I had to have a blood test on Monday to ensure that my platelet levels were improving so that they knew it would heal ok.  My platelets are still relatively low but were high enough for the procedure to go ahead.

I knew that it wouldn't be a very nice procedure as there is a small cuff that lies just under the skin that the tissue adheres to, this keeps the line in place.  The nurse needs to make a little cut under the skin and then release the cuff before she can pull the line out.  This happens when you are awake, although you do have a local anaesthetic and can be sedated if you wish.  So I was preparing myself overnight for this!

We arrived bright and early and the lovely nurse Esme took me into the room where she was going to take it out.  I had decided to not be sedated as I have found that it doesn't really have much of an affect on me.  She laid me down and cleaned the area and explained that she would make a small T-cut coming from the hole where the line exits my skin.  She did this quickly and it was time to remove the cuff.  This was the tricky bit. My body had done an excellent job of adhering to the cuff so Esme prepared herself for lots of cutting to remove it!  It was a horrible sensation; I didn't feel the pain but felt the sensation of her tugging at the cuff to see if it had loosened. 

As I am sure you are aware I haven't had the best history with lines, so it seemed inevitable that things would not be easy this time either. As Esme was releasing the cuff she was pulling the line out from under my skin and she got to a point where the line was out of my vein, but the cuff was still attached to my tissue. She said she had never seen this before and clearly my body is good at repairing itself. Trust me to be unusual!  So I had to endure more cutting of tissue and tugging but finally it was OUT.  Esme glued my incision up and I was ready to go.  It was weird saying goodbye to Esme and all the nurses again, I will definitely be popping in to say hello to them quite a lot.

So another hurdle jumped on my new road to recovery, and a very welcome hurdle it was.

Much Love Cx

A little reminder

Next weekend, on Sunday 22nd July, my angel's and I will be running (or walking!) the Race For Life in Reading.  I haven't done any training as I've been a bit busy battling cancer, LOL, but I am determined to get round that track in one piece!  I am preparing myself for it being an emotional race this year; I always well up when I read people's back signs anyway, so God help me this year!  I have a feeling it will be where my outpouring of emotion finally arrives.

So, we have done fantastically well already raising £660 online, which smashed our target of £500!  And I know that we have raised money offline too.  A HUGE thank you for those that have donated so generously already, it really means so much to me.  If you haven't already donated then feel free to click on the link on here which will take you straight to our secure fundraising page.  I know that so many people run the Race for Life so please do not worry about the amount you donate; even £1 makes a difference.

My angels are - my Mum, my sis Lucy, my good friend Naomi, her Mum Tina and her little girl Alyssya, my Auntie Christine, my cousins Cheryl and Kay, my good friend Jo, another good friend Sam and her daughter Daisy, another good friend Caroline, my close family friends Jill and Becky and the lovely Renee, whose husband works with my sister.  Quite a good team we've got there!

We can do this! We can all work together to help beat cancer!

Much Love Cx

Hmmm.....

I have never claimed to be the most polished or attractive girl there ever was, but I do pride myself on always trying to work with what I have got to look my best.  That is why I am really struggling at the moment.  Throughout my treatment I tried really hard to not look like a 'cancer patient'.  Whilst it may not be an important factor for everyone going through the battle I've been through, for me it was a way of holding on to a little part of myself 'before cancer'.

Its amazing how much cancer takes from you - it takes away your sense of normality, your ability to live care free, your health, your freedom, parts of your body, etc. and I feel that holding on to my appearance was one thing I was able to control.  For a while at the very beginning of treatment I felt really good; I still had my long dark hair, my skin was almost doll like and my body was just as I wanted it.  But the chemo has taken its toll now!  I haven't been able to dye my hair so it looks very odd and I had a lot cut off to try and stop there being too many different colours and it has also thinned quite a lot now.  My body is bloated and carrying too much weight due to the side affects of the chemo and also not having the energy to exercise.

My skin looks like a teenagers'; greasy and full of spots.  I suppose this is my immune system being so low, but I find it SO hard to deal cope with.  Your face is what people see first and although people say it looks fine I KNOW it doesn't.  Maybe its a throwback to my teenage years when I suffered from acne younger than most of my peers; I used to get called SuperTed's best friend - remember his name??? .......Spotty! Thanks for that!!  Acne isn't supposed to be something a 32 year old mother should have to deal with.  I am so strict with my skincare routine; I have the cleanest face in the west!!  But still these boils and spots are here.  It affects my confidence hugely; I want to be able to celebrate the end of treatment and plan for my birthday in August but I don't want anyone to see me looking this bad!

Anyways, enough moaning already Charlotte! I do have my life and a bright future and I know that I will be able to get back to normal soon - I just need some patience (not my strong point).  I so desire to be me again; I have been through a lot and is just another hurdle along the way.

Much Love (and sorry for the negativity!)

Cx

Ding! Ding! Final Round.....

.....And the winner is....ME!!

I wondered if this day would ever come; when they said I would need 6 months of Chemotherapy it seemed such a long time, but I must admit it has gone quicker than I thought it would.  As I said in a previous post, I have had such mixed emotions as I got closer to this day.  I even had nightmares that the Doctor would say 'No Miss Jennings, you have counted wrong, you still have three rounds left' - needless to stay that this stayed as a nightmare that did not come true!

So, how did the day go?  Well, it was an early start this time; I hadn't managed to get hold of any Heparin (which is a blood thinner which the district nurse flushes my line with every Monday), so she wasn't able to flush my line or take bloods on Monday.  We therefore had to arrive at the hospital for 8.30 and we needed to drop Alexa off at nursery beforehand, so it was a very early start!!  We got there in plenty of time and the advantage of starting so early is the availability of parking spaces; we were spoilt for choice for once!  The Nurse on the chemo ward took the blood and flushed my line fairly quickly, so it was time for coffee and a pastry and to buy the ever important gossip magazines!

This took us to 10am when I had my appointment with my specialist; predictably there was about a half hour delay, but I was pleased to see him and for him to tell me that it was definitely the final treatment, YAY!!  I asked him lots of questions about beauty regimes! He must have thought I was mental; can I start the pill so my skin will clear up, can I have facials, can I have a massage, etc.  I asked about the taking out of my Hickman Line; I was pleased to hear him say that he doesn't anticipate me needing any more treatment so it can come out asap.  He also said I would have a scan in 6 weeks and this would be the baseline scan to which they can compare future scans to.  I will be closely monitored for the next 5 years; CT scans every 6 months and a yearly colonoscopy, and then after this time I can be given the official "all clear". I left the consultants room feeling really positive about the future and slightly emotional thinking that its the last time I will be visiting clinic for a while.

So, off we go to the chemo ward! Ready for the long wait for the chemo to be released.  We waited for about 2 hours or so, and had our traditional M&S lunch whilst we waited. So I finally went in just after 1pm, my bloods were fine enough for the treatment to go ahead.  I managed to get the comfy reclining chair, so I could put my feet up! I was plugged in and the 2 hours started.  As always the gossip magazines made the time go quickly.  The Nurse who put my line in came to see me and as my platelets were low, she wanted to wait until they come back up so she knows that my blood is clotting ok.  So hopefully in the next two weeks I will be able to have it out!!

I did feel emotional saying goodbye to the Nurses.  They really are angels; so attentive and they make the whole experience far more comfortable that you would imagine it could be. I was given lots of hugs and well dones from the staff, and I must admit I did feel very emotional saying goodbye.  I gave them a thank you card, making sure I left before they opened it!! Didn't want more tears in the ward!

So that was it!  All over! I almost can't believe it :).

Thank you all for your support

Much Love Cx

My wonderful family x

My Mummy, Alexa, my sister Lucy and me

My Daddy with Alexa

I feel very blessed to have the most amazingly supportive family behind me; I knew this before cancer, but this whole process has it all the more evident.  They have never failed to ensure that I knew I had the support that I so needed during this time.  They have been here for me in some many ways; be it to give me a cuddle, help me with Alexa, listen to me, make me feel like everything will be ok, give me things to look forward to in the future, be by my side through every step of treatment or to help with the financial difficulties that come along with cancer.

As I have said previously I think it harder for the carers looking after someone with cancer.  As I am now a mum I can appreciate the love and devotion that come along with having a child; and from this understanding I can now somewhat imagine how devastating it must be to watch your precious child going through something that you can have no control or affect over.  All you can do is put your faith into the medical profession and hope that they look after your precious cargo as well as you would yourself.

I am so very grateful to them - it is they who have made me the strong, courageous woman and mother that I am today.  Whatever choices I made in the past they were always there to support me; be it to pick up the pieces when it all went wrong or to celebrate my successes with me. 

My dad will always be my hero, my Mum will always be my role model, my sister will always be my best friend and Alexa will always by my precious baby girl.

Much Love Cx