It was my second round of chemotherapy yesterday. I wasn't really sure how I felt about beforehand. A part of me was looking forward to seeing all the lovely nurses at the chemo ward and it also means I am one round nearer the end, but wasn't looking forward to the tingling hands, toes and throat which I have had a break from last week.
It was an early start; up at just after 6 to get Alexa ready for nursery. We dropped her off first at 8am and then my Dad dropped me and Mum off at the hospital. First stop was the coffee kiosk for a cappuccino. Just what I needed to wake me up. I knew that it would be a long day as there was so much to do before I even had the chemo. So the first stop was to have my PICC line put back in; I was dreading this as I knew what was coming. Luckily the nurse that puts it in is lovely, she really put me at ease and we had a giggle during the process. She also took my blood so they could make sure I was well enough for the second round of chemo. Once it was put in again I had to go and have a chest X-Ray to make sure that it is in the correct place. I always feel so guilty when I go to have an X-Ray; they always push you to the front and I can see that all these people with broken limbs and little old ladies with breathing difficulties are looking at me thinking why they have called me in so quickly. But hey! I'm a cancer patient so I shouldn't feel guilty!
The X-Ray showed that all was well with the PICC line. So my next appointment was to see the Oncologist. This was the most bizarre appointment I had ever had. My Mum and I had already had a giggle with the Nurse who called us in and the oncologist arrived mid-giggle, so he must have known we were in good spirits. My first question was my worry about dyeing my hair; he confirmed that I couldn't and when I told him I was a natural blonde he began to launch into blonde jokes! So the whole room was full of giggles; the people in the waiting room must have thought we had all gone delirious, I cant imagine its the type of place where you get lots of loud laughing! All this giggling had put me off all the questions I had, by the time he handed me the form to book my next appointment and told me my bloods were fine I had completely lost my train of thought! Oh well, I guess they say laughter is the best medicine, and it was certainly what I needed.
So, off i went back up to West Ward, which is the chemo ward. The pharmacy hadn't released my chemo as they needed to make sure my bloods were okay and that the oncologist didn't want to tweak the dosage. So the waiting began! We waited for about two and a half hours; in that time we were offered a yummy (?) NHS sandwich, we declined and Mum went to the M&S which we are lucky to have in the hospital. I really enjoyed my superfood salad :) At about 2pm I went in to be plugged in; my chemo nurse, Sandra was there to look after me, making sure all had been well since my last round.
And so the two hour sit in began. I had read all my magazines whilst I was waiting for the chemo to be released, so I took the opportunity to catch up on the songs on my ipod. I have over 10,200 songs, so needless to say I haven't listened to most of them! So if chemo is good for one thing (except the obvious of killing cancer LOL) it the chance to catch up with my music. The two hours went quite quickly to be honest; Mum was busily knitting a gorgeous cardigan for Alexa and I only had to take my drip for a walk to the loo once! Unfortunately my side affects were really intense this time and came on really quickly. I had numb feet and fingers, my throat was spasming and my voice went all funny. Sandra gave me some warm wheat packs to try and warm my hands and throat up and she made me a cup of tea but my hands were so weak I couldn't pick it up.
So just before 4pm we were ready to leave, my Dad came to pick us up and we collected a poorly Alexa then went straight home and to bed!! It had been a long day and my bed was most appreciated! Except that by 11pm I was wide awake again!! I haven't been as bad today; just got really achy muscles in the calves and arms, still got the tingling and I've had to sleep most of today. BUT I am one round closer to the end of chemo, so I have to remind myself that it is all worth it.
Cx
Wednesday 29 February 2012
Monday 27 February 2012
Race For Life
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| Mum and I in 2011 in the rain!! |
As some of you know my Mum and I have been doing the Race For Life for quite a number of years now. We have managed to raise about £1000 for Cancer Research. Every year there was someone close to me who had an experience of cancer and for whom I ran the race for. What is so ironic is that I ran last year's without even realising that I actually had cancer! How mad is that?!? I remembering saying before hand that I had lost all my stamina since having my daughter and that I knew I would find it really hard; little did I know that I ran it with a tumour that you could hold in two hands and severe anaemia! Its amazing that I even made it to the end, although I was a little put out that my Mum had finished before me for the first year ever!!
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| Our back dedications from 2011 x |
So this year I am determined to run it as a survivor; it takes place in the last few weeks of my chemotherapy, so I am hoping that I will be well enough to take part. Cancer Research is such an invaluable charity; medicine has come so far in the successful treatment of cancer and I owe my life to that research. Survival rates for cancer have increased so much in the past 10 years, particularly in bowel cancer, so just imagine what could happen in the next 10 years!
I have two asks of you today - Number 1: once I have registered myself and Mum for the Race For Life please sponsor us and Number 2: if you are a lady why not consider running the Race For Life yourself? They happen all over the country and although it can be emotional reading all the dedications on ladies' backs, it is also a great deal of fun! If you are local to me then come and join us! We could make a team and raise even more money for such a worthwhile cause. Go on, do it now!
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| http://raceforlife.cancerresearchuk.org/ |
#bittersweet
This weekend has been an emotional one. I hope that this blog has given you the sense that I have been very positive throughout this experience, but this weekend was a big, fat reminder that cancer is stopping me from doing things that I would have done without a second's thought previously. Its at times like this that you realise the enormity of what has happened to you; most of the time you just get on with things as you have no choice as cancer has just become part of your everyday life. But this weekend has made me reflect on the things I have missed out on and the memories that could have been made.
It was my best friend Lucy P's birthday; I have never missed a get together for her birthday in the 11 years that I have known. I knew that all my favourite girls were going and would be getting all glammed up ready for a party. I had been so determined that I was going to go, but when it came to it I knew that it would be an impossibility; firstly I was having an odd side effect of really swollen lips. I looked like an Essex girl gone wrong!! And the exhaustion is just too much; I'm like a 5 year old with an 8 o'clock bedtime! So I spent Saturday night asleep on the sofa being babysat by my lovely little sister Lucy whilst all my favourites were dancing the night away celebrating Lucy P's birthday.
And Sunday wasn't much better; it was Alexa's first Water Babies swimming lesson. I had had to cancel her last block of sessions as it was around the time of my operation, so I didn't want to cancel again. I had already made sure that either her Daddy or my Dad could go in with her as I couldn't due to the fact that I couldn't get my PICC line wet. When I had my drama of the PICC line falling out I did think that I could go with her, but I didn't want to risk getting any infections from the water. I was able to watch from the side, which was lovely. Her and her Daddy loved every moment of it, even her first underwater swim! Well it was more of a dunk but she enjoyed it regardless. It was such a lovely experience and although it was lovely to watch her, I have to admit that I did have a little tear. Although I know I can swim with her as often as I want in 6 months time, you can never get that 'first' swimming lesson back again.
So this weekend was very bittersweet; I was happy that Lucy P had a wonderful birthday and I loved watching Alexa being a water baby, but I just wish I could have been more involved.
Cx
It was my best friend Lucy P's birthday; I have never missed a get together for her birthday in the 11 years that I have known. I knew that all my favourite girls were going and would be getting all glammed up ready for a party. I had been so determined that I was going to go, but when it came to it I knew that it would be an impossibility; firstly I was having an odd side effect of really swollen lips. I looked like an Essex girl gone wrong!! And the exhaustion is just too much; I'm like a 5 year old with an 8 o'clock bedtime! So I spent Saturday night asleep on the sofa being babysat by my lovely little sister Lucy whilst all my favourites were dancing the night away celebrating Lucy P's birthday.
And Sunday wasn't much better; it was Alexa's first Water Babies swimming lesson. I had had to cancel her last block of sessions as it was around the time of my operation, so I didn't want to cancel again. I had already made sure that either her Daddy or my Dad could go in with her as I couldn't due to the fact that I couldn't get my PICC line wet. When I had my drama of the PICC line falling out I did think that I could go with her, but I didn't want to risk getting any infections from the water. I was able to watch from the side, which was lovely. Her and her Daddy loved every moment of it, even her first underwater swim! Well it was more of a dunk but she enjoyed it regardless. It was such a lovely experience and although it was lovely to watch her, I have to admit that I did have a little tear. Although I know I can swim with her as often as I want in 6 months time, you can never get that 'first' swimming lesson back again.
So this weekend was very bittersweet; I was happy that Lucy P had a wonderful birthday and I loved watching Alexa being a water baby, but I just wish I could have been more involved.
Cx
Saturday 25 February 2012
I heard a rumour....
Whilst looking through blogs from other people in a similar situation and reading up about chemotherapy, I have read a few times that you are not supposed to dye your hair during treatment. As a natural blonde who is now very dark, this fills me with panic! I'm not sure what kind of a state I will look like with blonde roots and dark hair. I'm wondering if this is suggested to help prevent hair loss rather than because it could interfere with the treatment; I would rather loose hair and have it all the same colour than have 2 tone hair. So this is first on the list of things to ask my Oncologist on Tuesday; I am hoping that he can confirm that this is just a rumour. If it is not I will pre-warn you that I will be looking a bit scary for the next 6 months.
Cx
Cx
Why me?
Throughout all of this experience I have never thought "why me?" - I am a believer that whatever challenges we are sent, are sent to us for a reason. It is how we respond to these challenges that define how they will affect our lives. Nonetheless there is an element in me that needs answers as to why I developed this cancer. I don't fall into any of the categories of those likely to develop bowel cancer; I am not over 50 and I do not have a family history of bowel cancer. Even when I speak my GP and other health professionals they are dumbfounded as to why this has happened to me.
I have read lots of things that suggests ways of helping to reduce the risk of bowel cancer, such as eating a healthy diet rich in fruit and vegetables, keeping healthy through exercise, cutting down on alcohol and giving up smoking. I cannot claim that I have always stuck to a healthy diet, but it is usually balanced and I have never been overweight. I hardly drink and have only ever smoked about 4 cigarettes in my life. So, again I have no answers for myself.
Initially I thought that maybe the surge of hormones when I was pregnant could have caused it, but it is more common to develop breast cancer in this situation. So I began researching bowel cancer a bit more. I had always had IBS, I was told about 16 years ago, when I went to the doctors about abdominal cramps, that it is probably IBS without any tests or investigations. I was only young then and didn't really have the confidence to question what I was being told. I carried on living with my symptoms throughout the years; I knew what I should and shouldn't eat and I knew that stress would bring on my symptoms. When I started researching I found out that cancer can begin with a small polyp in the bowel that slowly grows in size over 10 or so years and can turn into a cancerous tumour. Looking at the symptoms I began to feel that this was a more likely answer as to why I developed cancer; the symptoms are similar to those of IBS and given the time that I had been suffering from these symptoms I began to believe that this was what had happened to me. Unfortunately the surgeons and specialist aren't able to answer my questions, so I will never know why and know how to prevent it from returning. I can however follow advice given to reduce my risk and ensure that i have a very healthy lifestyle.
One thing I do believe is that having my daughter saved my life; having her moved all my organs around and made my symptoms so extreme. If it wasn't for this I may not have known about the tumour until it was too late. So she is my angel for so many reasons; she is my reason for fighting, her smile makes me forget my worries and she is my life-saver. I am so very proud to be her Mummy.
I have read lots of things that suggests ways of helping to reduce the risk of bowel cancer, such as eating a healthy diet rich in fruit and vegetables, keeping healthy through exercise, cutting down on alcohol and giving up smoking. I cannot claim that I have always stuck to a healthy diet, but it is usually balanced and I have never been overweight. I hardly drink and have only ever smoked about 4 cigarettes in my life. So, again I have no answers for myself.
Initially I thought that maybe the surge of hormones when I was pregnant could have caused it, but it is more common to develop breast cancer in this situation. So I began researching bowel cancer a bit more. I had always had IBS, I was told about 16 years ago, when I went to the doctors about abdominal cramps, that it is probably IBS without any tests or investigations. I was only young then and didn't really have the confidence to question what I was being told. I carried on living with my symptoms throughout the years; I knew what I should and shouldn't eat and I knew that stress would bring on my symptoms. When I started researching I found out that cancer can begin with a small polyp in the bowel that slowly grows in size over 10 or so years and can turn into a cancerous tumour. Looking at the symptoms I began to feel that this was a more likely answer as to why I developed cancer; the symptoms are similar to those of IBS and given the time that I had been suffering from these symptoms I began to believe that this was what had happened to me. Unfortunately the surgeons and specialist aren't able to answer my questions, so I will never know why and know how to prevent it from returning. I can however follow advice given to reduce my risk and ensure that i have a very healthy lifestyle.
One thing I do believe is that having my daughter saved my life; having her moved all my organs around and made my symptoms so extreme. If it wasn't for this I may not have known about the tumour until it was too late. So she is my angel for so many reasons; she is my reason for fighting, her smile makes me forget my worries and she is my life-saver. I am so very proud to be her Mummy.
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| Me and my little lifesaver when she was 6 days old |
So, my advice to you all would be to always ask questions of health professionals; make sure you know everything that you need to know and if you don't feel happy about anything ask for a referral. I have come to the conclusion that GPs by definition know a little about a lot, so asking to see someone who specialises in a certain area seems totally logical. I became some what notorious for asking questions during my hospital stays; I would ask them everything about what they were doing to me and why. But knowledge is power and you need to have that power when it comes to your health. So, look after yourselves, listen to your bodies and keep asking questions.
Cx
Friday 24 February 2012
A much needed trip to Zara
I decided a few days ago that I deserved to treat myself to some new bits from Zara. Anyone who knows me knows only too well that Zara is my favourite shop; the pieces are so well made, totally my style and well priced. I hadn't treated myself since my birthday which was in August. So as today is a day that my little girl goes to nursery I decided it would be the perfect day to go for a little trip with my Mum.
The first bit didn't quite go to plan; we arrived at nursery and Alexa was so excited to see her friends, she was on tip-toes looking through the window into her room waving at everyone! When we got in the staff said that they had been trying to call me, (it was then that I realised I had left my phone at home!) they had a second confirmed case of chicken pox. This is something that I have to avoid during my chemotherapy, it can be quite nasty and as my immunity is at its lowest this week I didn't think it was worth the risk. So it was an about turn and Alexa was now going to join us for the shopping trip.
Unfortunately, as the Nursery provides all the nappies, wipes and food, we had no supplies with us at all, so first stop was Boots to stock up on supplies for the day! She was also dressed in her 'nursery clothes' which did look quite boyish, so she got lots of 'isn't he lovely' - poor thing! So off we go to Zara, it didn't take too long for her buggy to be covered in t-shirts, jeans and shorts! Trying to fit the three of us in a small changing room was the next challenge, as predictably the big changing room was taken. Taking Alexa out of her buggy wasn't my best idea ever, as immediately she walked head first into the mirror!! Mum then took her out for a little walk, and managed to find a man with tasters of cupcakes. That cheered Alexa up a treat! Meanwhile, I tried my collection of clothes on and they were all perfect. I managed to whittle it down to just seven items. That surely makes up for the seven months that I hadn't bought anything for myself. They were mainly t-shirts, a pair of shorts and a pair of jeans - these do seem to be somewhat of a uniform for me, but if it works....
So I left Zara with a huge smile on my face, a full bag and a lighter bank balance. But hey, if I've learnt anything these a past few months it's that life is too short and whilst material goods aren't really that important, they do make me really, really happy!!
Cx
The first bit didn't quite go to plan; we arrived at nursery and Alexa was so excited to see her friends, she was on tip-toes looking through the window into her room waving at everyone! When we got in the staff said that they had been trying to call me, (it was then that I realised I had left my phone at home!) they had a second confirmed case of chicken pox. This is something that I have to avoid during my chemotherapy, it can be quite nasty and as my immunity is at its lowest this week I didn't think it was worth the risk. So it was an about turn and Alexa was now going to join us for the shopping trip.
Unfortunately, as the Nursery provides all the nappies, wipes and food, we had no supplies with us at all, so first stop was Boots to stock up on supplies for the day! She was also dressed in her 'nursery clothes' which did look quite boyish, so she got lots of 'isn't he lovely' - poor thing! So off we go to Zara, it didn't take too long for her buggy to be covered in t-shirts, jeans and shorts! Trying to fit the three of us in a small changing room was the next challenge, as predictably the big changing room was taken. Taking Alexa out of her buggy wasn't my best idea ever, as immediately she walked head first into the mirror!! Mum then took her out for a little walk, and managed to find a man with tasters of cupcakes. That cheered Alexa up a treat! Meanwhile, I tried my collection of clothes on and they were all perfect. I managed to whittle it down to just seven items. That surely makes up for the seven months that I hadn't bought anything for myself. They were mainly t-shirts, a pair of shorts and a pair of jeans - these do seem to be somewhat of a uniform for me, but if it works....
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| My purchases |
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| These beauties are what I am determined to wear to my summer BBQ to celebrate my birthday as well as my good health |
Cx
Wednesday 22 February 2012
I love a drama!!
It had been a week since I had had the chemo and although the side affects weren't easy to cope with, I felt that I was doing well. The district nurse needs to come once a week to clean and flush my line and also take blood the day before my chemotherapy. She had been once already and I was absolutely fine, even helping her to hold the line whilst she cleaned the area. But this time around when she had got all the dressings off and it was just the line I started to feel a bit faint, I remember my Mum giving me a drink of water. Then the next thing I came round and could not work out what was happening, where I was and who this lady was next to me!! Slowly I worked it out; I could hear Alexa screaming, I knew I was sat on the kitchen floor and I remembered that I was having the line cleaning. I started panicking that the line had fallen out, but the nurse was able to reassure me that it was okay.
The nurse tried to get me to stand up but I couldn't so she laid me on the kitchen floor, not the most comfortable place to lie down!! I went from being really hot and clammy to feeling really cold, so I was covered in blankets. As I started to be more with it Mum explained what had happened; as she gave me the water my eyes rolled back and I began to jerk in her arms. As you can imagine she was in a right state; she was worried that I was fitting and then she began to worry about my heart as she knew the PICC line was going into my heart. Poor Alexa was in a state, she had been having her breakfast with Mum when I collapsed; she must have known something was wrong as she was so upset.
The Nurse decided that she should call an ambulance just to be on the safe side. I was feeling really tired and just wanted to sleep. A paramedic arrived first and checked me over, he was worried about my blood pressure as it was very low. He wouldn't let me get up as it was so low; he must have felt sorry for me lying on the cold floor as he sent Mum to get me a duvet to lie on. He thought that I had collapsed due to the low blood pressure and he checked my blood sugar levels which were also really low. Alexa was gorgeous whilst I was lying on the floor, she kept coming up and lying with me, giving me kisses and cuddles.
The ambulance finally arrived and I was strapped into a stretcher, which was a weird experience. They carried me down to the waiting ambulance and wheeled me into the back; it was all very dramatic!! Being in the back of an ambulance is very strange, you cant see out and you are strapped in so you cant move at all, not very good for someone who doesn't travel that well!! I started to feel a bit sick when the driver started the 100 point turn to get out of our drive!! It didn't help that once I said I felt really sick they decided to put the blue light on and weave in and out of the traffic! Luckily I made it to the Royal Berks without being sick.
They wheeled me straight into a side room as being a chemo patient they didn't want to expose me to lots of germs. It is amazing how you go to the front of lists and get special treatment when you have cancer, no less than we deserve I suppose!! They tested me for everything and all seemed okay, my blood sugars had dropped even more so I had some lovely NHS sandwiches!! The doctor was sure that it was just a faint, apparently you can jerk and your eyes can roll when you faint. She was sure it was due to the fact that I hadn't eaten, that the nurse was moving my line around and also the affect of the chemo on my body. The PICC line nurse came down and removed my line as it had come out too much; so I am free of my little friend for 2 weeks, which is when they are going to put it back in ready for round 2 of chemo.
So, I was allowed home and had lots of rest for the rest of the day. The moral of this story is to make sure I eat regularly, get lots of rest and listen to my body! I don't think my poor Mum could cope with any more drama!
Much Love Cx
The nurse tried to get me to stand up but I couldn't so she laid me on the kitchen floor, not the most comfortable place to lie down!! I went from being really hot and clammy to feeling really cold, so I was covered in blankets. As I started to be more with it Mum explained what had happened; as she gave me the water my eyes rolled back and I began to jerk in her arms. As you can imagine she was in a right state; she was worried that I was fitting and then she began to worry about my heart as she knew the PICC line was going into my heart. Poor Alexa was in a state, she had been having her breakfast with Mum when I collapsed; she must have known something was wrong as she was so upset.
The Nurse decided that she should call an ambulance just to be on the safe side. I was feeling really tired and just wanted to sleep. A paramedic arrived first and checked me over, he was worried about my blood pressure as it was very low. He wouldn't let me get up as it was so low; he must have felt sorry for me lying on the cold floor as he sent Mum to get me a duvet to lie on. He thought that I had collapsed due to the low blood pressure and he checked my blood sugar levels which were also really low. Alexa was gorgeous whilst I was lying on the floor, she kept coming up and lying with me, giving me kisses and cuddles.
The ambulance finally arrived and I was strapped into a stretcher, which was a weird experience. They carried me down to the waiting ambulance and wheeled me into the back; it was all very dramatic!! Being in the back of an ambulance is very strange, you cant see out and you are strapped in so you cant move at all, not very good for someone who doesn't travel that well!! I started to feel a bit sick when the driver started the 100 point turn to get out of our drive!! It didn't help that once I said I felt really sick they decided to put the blue light on and weave in and out of the traffic! Luckily I made it to the Royal Berks without being sick.
They wheeled me straight into a side room as being a chemo patient they didn't want to expose me to lots of germs. It is amazing how you go to the front of lists and get special treatment when you have cancer, no less than we deserve I suppose!! They tested me for everything and all seemed okay, my blood sugars had dropped even more so I had some lovely NHS sandwiches!! The doctor was sure that it was just a faint, apparently you can jerk and your eyes can roll when you faint. She was sure it was due to the fact that I hadn't eaten, that the nurse was moving my line around and also the affect of the chemo on my body. The PICC line nurse came down and removed my line as it had come out too much; so I am free of my little friend for 2 weeks, which is when they are going to put it back in ready for round 2 of chemo.
So, I was allowed home and had lots of rest for the rest of the day. The moral of this story is to make sure I eat regularly, get lots of rest and listen to my body! I don't think my poor Mum could cope with any more drama!
Much Love Cx
Tuesday 21 February 2012
Chemo, Take 2...
I returned to the Royal Berks Hospital on 7th February to finally have the first round of chemotherapy. I was to have a combination of two drugs, Oxaliplatin which is administered through my PICC line at the hospital and oral Capecitabine which is in tablet form that I take everyday for 2 weeks and then have a week's rest. The tablets can sometimes give quite severe side affects so I was hoping that my body would cope with them as the alternative is to have chemo hooked up to my PICC line every day for 2 weeks.
The nurses in the cancer ward are just lovely; although it is SO busy there they remember you and make you feel so comfortable and looked after. The room where you are plugged in is the old children's ward; it has beautiful tiles with pictures from traditional children's rhymes and stories, I was sat under Dick Whittington! This made me and my Mum giggle as we have a close family friend called Dick Whittington!! I'll try to sit under it again to get a picture for him!! I was stocked up with my ipod loaded with Maverick Sabre's new album, lots of magazines and 2 cream eggs!!
The nurse plugged me in and I didn't know what to expect - would I feel it going in? Would I feel strange straight away? Well, to be honest it was a bit of an anti-climax, I couldn't feel a thing!! I sat there for 2 hours reading trashy magazines, loving Maverick Sabre and enjoying my yummy cream eggs. My Mum stayed with me through the whole thing, so we could chat about the trash we were both reading about!! I popped to the loo with pulling the drip along with me, bit like taking a dog for a walk!! It was in there that I started to feel the first of the side affects, it was the tingling fingers! I suppose the toilets must have been that much colder. It felt very strange but once I warmed them up I was okay.
So after a few hours in the hospital I was ready to go home. I was wrapped up warm as it was freezing outside and I already knew that I was experiencing the tingling fingers, and I was so pleased I did wrap up as my fingers, lips and toes were all tingling as soon as I got outside. I felt okay for the rest of the day; just the tingling and my fingers kept going numb, which meant I couldn't type on my phone or computer. I did feel very tired for the rest of the day, so lots of rest was on order.
I started taking the tablet chemo the next morning. I take it twice a day and I have been lucky so far as it seems to be agreeing with me. I haven't had any of the extreme side affects that I was worried about. Unfortunately my appetite has not been affected, if anything it has grown!! Think a shopping day might be in order soon as I am slowly putting on the weight I lost when I was ill. So far so good, apart from the exhaustion, urgency to go to the loo and the funny tingling, I feel I have coped well with this first round; it hasn't been easy and I am aware that it may get worse as I have more rounds. Its the exhaustion that has been getting me though, I have had to cancel on people a few times and although I know they understand, I still feel awful :( and I feel a bit nervous about going to events in the evening, firstly as I am so tired and also being in a hot environment surrounded by untold germs worries me!! But I am sure that my body will get used to this new state of existence and I will be more aware of my good/bad days as the rounds go on.
So, I am almost up to date with telling you about my treatment. I am sure there will be up and downs on this journey and it feels quite comforting to have you all travelling with me xxx
The nurses in the cancer ward are just lovely; although it is SO busy there they remember you and make you feel so comfortable and looked after. The room where you are plugged in is the old children's ward; it has beautiful tiles with pictures from traditional children's rhymes and stories, I was sat under Dick Whittington! This made me and my Mum giggle as we have a close family friend called Dick Whittington!! I'll try to sit under it again to get a picture for him!! I was stocked up with my ipod loaded with Maverick Sabre's new album, lots of magazines and 2 cream eggs!!
The nurse plugged me in and I didn't know what to expect - would I feel it going in? Would I feel strange straight away? Well, to be honest it was a bit of an anti-climax, I couldn't feel a thing!! I sat there for 2 hours reading trashy magazines, loving Maverick Sabre and enjoying my yummy cream eggs. My Mum stayed with me through the whole thing, so we could chat about the trash we were both reading about!! I popped to the loo with pulling the drip along with me, bit like taking a dog for a walk!! It was in there that I started to feel the first of the side affects, it was the tingling fingers! I suppose the toilets must have been that much colder. It felt very strange but once I warmed them up I was okay.
So after a few hours in the hospital I was ready to go home. I was wrapped up warm as it was freezing outside and I already knew that I was experiencing the tingling fingers, and I was so pleased I did wrap up as my fingers, lips and toes were all tingling as soon as I got outside. I felt okay for the rest of the day; just the tingling and my fingers kept going numb, which meant I couldn't type on my phone or computer. I did feel very tired for the rest of the day, so lots of rest was on order.
I started taking the tablet chemo the next morning. I take it twice a day and I have been lucky so far as it seems to be agreeing with me. I haven't had any of the extreme side affects that I was worried about. Unfortunately my appetite has not been affected, if anything it has grown!! Think a shopping day might be in order soon as I am slowly putting on the weight I lost when I was ill. So far so good, apart from the exhaustion, urgency to go to the loo and the funny tingling, I feel I have coped well with this first round; it hasn't been easy and I am aware that it may get worse as I have more rounds. Its the exhaustion that has been getting me though, I have had to cancel on people a few times and although I know they understand, I still feel awful :( and I feel a bit nervous about going to events in the evening, firstly as I am so tired and also being in a hot environment surrounded by untold germs worries me!! But I am sure that my body will get used to this new state of existence and I will be more aware of my good/bad days as the rounds go on.
So, I am almost up to date with telling you about my treatment. I am sure there will be up and downs on this journey and it feels quite comforting to have you all travelling with me xxx
Monday 20 February 2012
Every girl loves a pamper
This is a cancer free post and extremely girly!! My new obsession seems to be anything cosmetic!! Although if I'm honest it's not new at all, more re-newed!! I suppose at the moment I just want to feel normal and a bit attractive so my beauty regime has become my new best friend!! My favourite shop for products has to be Space:NK http://www.spacenk.co.uk/ ; I have two stores locally, in Henley and Marlow, which are both perfect Sunday afternoon stroll destinations. The girls in there are so lovely and knowledgeable, and there are so many lovely products to choose from. My most recent purchases are the REN Morrocan Rose Otto Oil bath and body collection. It is so luxurious and perfect for a relaxing, hot bath. I also get all my Laura Mercier and NARS make up from there; would recommend the Laura Mercier Mineral Foundation and Secret Concealer for dark circle and the NARS Bronzer and the Multiple stick for cheeks, eyes and lips. They are the reasons that I keep getting told that I look so well!!
I have recently come across a fantastic website http://www.latestinbeauty.com/ . It is a site where you can purchase larger size samples of products for a small amount of money and also purchase boxes with themed samples. I came across their Refresh and Recover box; it was full of things that can help you feel good from the inside out, which I thought sounded perfect for me!! It arrived last week and contained lots of exciting things such as peppermint tea, probiotic mints, lip balms, face creams and a body booster drink. I cant wait to try it all out and I hope I find some bits that work for me in my quest for good health!! I will let you know how I get on with them and what I would recommend.
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| REN Morrocan Rose Otto Oil bath collection |
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| My Refresh & Recover box - only £6.95 |
And the treatment begins....
I saw my oncologist mid-January. After my last appointment I had come to the conclusion that I would definitely want to have a course of chemotherapy. I felt strong after my surgery, I am young and I have my beautiful daughter; for all these reasons I knew that I wanted to do all I could to try to ensure that this cancer would have a near on impossible chance of returning.
Luckily she agreed with me; she explained that the chemotherapy would be every 3 weeks for 6 months and that it isn't a type of chemo that would make me loose all my hair (phew!!). We spoke briefly about some of the side affects, including tingling fingers and toes, lowered immunity, a low chance of infertility and sickness/diarrhoea. She was worried about my job as a nursery teacher; as you can imagine 3-4 year olds are full of germs and I would be at risk of catching all sorts if I returned to work during my treatment; and having no immune system would mean that a simple cold could be really dangerous. So at the moment I have to stay off, but I am hoping that I cope well with the treatment and can return to work in some capacity; I do miss all my wonderful kiddies!!
The nurses recommended that I have a PICC line inserted into the top of my arm; it is like a long-term canular which goes into a vein in the upper arm all the way to one of the chambers in the heart. I went to have this inserted on 30th January 2011, it was on okay procedure although I didn't look at what the nurse was doing!! Its quite big so short sleeves are out of the question for 6 months :( But hey ho, such is life.
I was due to start the first round of chemo the next day; I arrived and was going through all the side affects with the nurse just before she plugged me in, but she was concerned that I hadn't explored the possibility that my fertility could be affected by the chemo. So the treatment was halted whilst I went to a fertility clinic to discuss options about freezing my eggs. I went to a clinic in Oxford where they spoke about the procedure of harvesting eggs, how the eggs don't freeze that well, that I would only have a 20% chance of the eggs resulting in a successful pregnancy and that the whole thing would cost over £3000!!! Ummmmm........... let me think about that for a nanosecond!! Thanks but no thanks!! I am in the hands of God - whatever happens is meant to be. I have a beautiful little girl and if I am only meant to have her then I am already more than blessed.
So, I booked the chemo for the following week, but I'll save that for another post!! xx
Luckily she agreed with me; she explained that the chemotherapy would be every 3 weeks for 6 months and that it isn't a type of chemo that would make me loose all my hair (phew!!). We spoke briefly about some of the side affects, including tingling fingers and toes, lowered immunity, a low chance of infertility and sickness/diarrhoea. She was worried about my job as a nursery teacher; as you can imagine 3-4 year olds are full of germs and I would be at risk of catching all sorts if I returned to work during my treatment; and having no immune system would mean that a simple cold could be really dangerous. So at the moment I have to stay off, but I am hoping that I cope well with the treatment and can return to work in some capacity; I do miss all my wonderful kiddies!!
The nurses recommended that I have a PICC line inserted into the top of my arm; it is like a long-term canular which goes into a vein in the upper arm all the way to one of the chambers in the heart. I went to have this inserted on 30th January 2011, it was on okay procedure although I didn't look at what the nurse was doing!! Its quite big so short sleeves are out of the question for 6 months :( But hey ho, such is life.
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| Here's my lovely PICC line - very attractive!! |
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| My chemo club membership card!! |
Sunday 19 February 2012
Be Clear on Cancer
I was lucky in that my symptoms were extreme, but not everyone is lucky enough to have these warning signs. These are the symptoms that you can look out for:
- a change in your bowel habit, such as looser poo, lasting longer than 3 weeks
- blood in your poo
- unexplained weight loss
- feeling more tired than usual
- abdominal pain or a lump in your stomach area
- anaemia
Bowel Cancer is now the second most common cancer and the second biggest cancer killer, but it doesn't need to be as it is one of the most treatable cancers, especially if caught early. Nine out of ten people diagnosed are over 55, but as I know this doesn't mean the young are safe from it. The NHS have a screening programme where a tester kit is sent out to people aged between 60-69 every two years. So make sure that your parents or Grandparents are using this kit!!
You can find out more about Bowel Cancer by visiting two fantastic charities, Beating Bowel Cancer and Bowel Cancer UK. They have both been very supportive to me and to lots of sufferers.
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| http://www.beatingbowelcancer.org/ |
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| http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/ |
The Journey...
My journey began as soon as I was diagnosed. This is a journey that every cancer sufferer hopes ends with recovery. It is a rocky and winding road and one that is full of self-discovery. I am lucky enough to have some fantastic companions travelling with me; they have helped to show me the direction and keep my faith along the road I am travelling on.
I have learnt a lot about myself in the past few months; the first being that I am much tougher than I ever thought I was!! You always imagine that if you were ever to be told that you have cancer that you would crumble and be a complete mess; and yes I have had many down days, but I immediately felt the need to stay positive and to fight this alien inside me. Plus I had no choice; Alexa needs her Mummy!!
I always had a fear of being cut open so as soon as I heard that I would need to be cut open to remove the tumour I full of dread and fear, but as the time drew closer I was able to face up to these feelings and in the end I felt I coped quite well with both the operation and the pain afterwards!! I definitely have a higher pain threshold that I had ever thought I did!! I also realised that I am very hard on myself!! I expect a lot from myself and am not very good at delegating anything as I always feel that I do it better myself (naturally!! LOL), so I am learning to chill out on myself and that sometimes it doesn't matter!!!
The main thing I have learnt is what is important in life. The people around you are what's important; we would be nothing without them and so often in life we are too busy to acknowledge just how special our loved ones are. So do this today for me; tell your loved ones what they mean to you - give them a hug, do a good deed, phone someone you have lost touch with, reach out and make someone aware just how special they are to you. Life is short and fragile, so do it today, in fact do it now!! Go on......
(ps To my loved ones, as you know I love you all and will be eternally grateful for your support, and for everyone else I will make sure you all know just how amazing these people are, keep your eyes peeled for special posts just for them xxxx)
I have learnt a lot about myself in the past few months; the first being that I am much tougher than I ever thought I was!! You always imagine that if you were ever to be told that you have cancer that you would crumble and be a complete mess; and yes I have had many down days, but I immediately felt the need to stay positive and to fight this alien inside me. Plus I had no choice; Alexa needs her Mummy!!
I always had a fear of being cut open so as soon as I heard that I would need to be cut open to remove the tumour I full of dread and fear, but as the time drew closer I was able to face up to these feelings and in the end I felt I coped quite well with both the operation and the pain afterwards!! I definitely have a higher pain threshold that I had ever thought I did!! I also realised that I am very hard on myself!! I expect a lot from myself and am not very good at delegating anything as I always feel that I do it better myself (naturally!! LOL), so I am learning to chill out on myself and that sometimes it doesn't matter!!!
The main thing I have learnt is what is important in life. The people around you are what's important; we would be nothing without them and so often in life we are too busy to acknowledge just how special our loved ones are. So do this today for me; tell your loved ones what they mean to you - give them a hug, do a good deed, phone someone you have lost touch with, reach out and make someone aware just how special they are to you. Life is short and fragile, so do it today, in fact do it now!! Go on......
(ps To my loved ones, as you know I love you all and will be eternally grateful for your support, and for everyone else I will make sure you all know just how amazing these people are, keep your eyes peeled for special posts just for them xxxx)
Saturday 18 February 2012
Let me introduce myself...
Hello! My name is Charlotte and I am 32 years old. On 21st November 2011 I was diagnosed with bowel cancer; whilst I don't want this to define who I am at the moment, cancer is currently a huge part of my life.
I have been contemplating keeping a blog through my journey but there never seemed to be a right time to start it; there was always something else I needed to focus on. I wanted to use the blog as a therapeutic tool for myself and to help other people to see that cancer isn't the death sentence that it once used to be. I have been very lucky, the cancer I suffered from is the most treatable and the survival rates have increased significantly in the past 10 years. I am fully aware that it is not possible for every cancer sufferer to be as positive as I have been able to be; but if my blog helps one person struggling with symptoms to get checked out then I have achieved my outcome.
I am Mummy to my beautiful little girl called Alexa. She was one at the beginning of January and she really is my life. In fact if it hadn't been for her my story might have been a bit different. After giving birth to her I began to experience some very severe symptoms. I had excruciating abdominal pain, diarrhoea, weight loss and constant exhaustion. I went to the doctors with these symptoms over a period of six months, but they were always explained by the changes to my body since childbirth. It was only once I was back at work and just couldn't cope with the symptoms that I managed to convince another doctor to refer me for some more investigations.
I had blood tests, an ultrasound and an MRI scan. These all showed a big area of inflammation in my colon and small bowel. My specialist at the time was sure that I was suffering from Crohn's disease. I was textbook Crohn's and I felt relieved that I had a diagnosis at last. At the beginning of November 2011 I was rushed into A&E with a blockage in my bowel. I stayed in hospital for three days and responded well to the steroids which reduced the inflammation. Once I was back at home I pushed for a colonoscopy to get the final diagnosis of Crohn's.
It was the 21st November that I went for the results of the colonoscopy. I went on my own and the consultant seemed hesitant when he saw that I wasn't with my Mum for this appointment. He sat me down and told me that he had some really bad news. I was expecting him to say that the Crohn's was really bad and needed surgery urgently, but instead he used the 'C' word. I had cancer in my colon and a small section of my small bowel. I would need surgery soon to remove the tumour. In the meantime I had ultrasounds and CT scans to make sure that there were no more tumours in my body and also to investigate lesions on my liver that were found previously. Luckily I had no more tumours and the lesions on my liver were cysts.
I went for surgery on Monday 12th December 2011. The operation went really well; I was in the theatre for 2 hours and in recovery for 2 hours. The removed the tumour through keyhole; its amazing that they could have removed a large tumour and a foot of the colon through a relatively small incision through my belly button. The nurses and physiotherapists were really good at getting me moving out of my bed, the day after I took a short walk. I felt like the hardest thing I had ever had to do, the pain was unbearable and made me realise just how much we use our stomach muscles! Throughout the week I built up my strength and went home on the Friday.
I recovered well and managed to enjoy Christmas with my family and beautiful daughter. In the new year I was to get the results of the investigations they did with the removed tumour. Luckily the cancer was localised to the tumour; it hadn't spread to my lymph nodes and the bowel either side of the tumour looked healthy. There was however one cell that looked as if it was about the leave the area and what the specialist couldn't say was whether another cell had escaped earlier and was travelling around my body. He suggested that I think about having a course of chemotherapy just to make sure that if there was a stray cell it would be nuked!!!
So...I think this post is long enough!! I will be back to tell you how the chemotherapy is going xxx
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