Why me?

Throughout all of this experience I have never thought "why me?" - I am a believer that whatever challenges we are sent, are sent to us for a reason.  It is how we respond to these challenges that define how they will affect our lives.  Nonetheless there is an element in me that needs answers as to why I developed this cancer.  I don't fall into any of the categories of those likely to develop bowel cancer; I am not over 50 and I do not have a family history of bowel cancer.  Even when I speak my GP and other health professionals they are dumbfounded as to why this has happened to me.

I have read lots of things that suggests ways of helping to reduce the risk of bowel cancer, such as eating a healthy diet rich in fruit and vegetables, keeping healthy through exercise, cutting down on alcohol and giving up smoking.  I cannot claim that I have always stuck to a healthy diet, but it is usually balanced and I have never been overweight.  I hardly drink and have only ever smoked about 4 cigarettes in my life.  So, again I have no answers for myself.

Initially I thought that maybe the surge of hormones when I was pregnant could have caused it, but it is more common to develop breast cancer in this situation.  So I began researching bowel cancer a bit more.  I had always had IBS, I was told about 16 years ago, when I went to the doctors about abdominal cramps, that it is probably IBS without any tests or investigations.  I was only young then and didn't really have the confidence to question what I was being told.  I carried on living with my symptoms throughout the years; I knew what I should and shouldn't eat and I knew that stress would bring on my symptoms.  When I started researching I found out that cancer can begin with a small polyp in the bowel that slowly grows in size over 10 or so years and can turn into a cancerous tumour.  Looking at the symptoms I began to feel that this was a more likely answer as to why I developed cancer; the symptoms are similar to those of IBS and given the time that I had been suffering from these symptoms I began to believe that this was what had happened to me.  Unfortunately the surgeons and specialist aren't able to answer my questions, so I will never know why and know how to prevent it from returning.  I can however follow advice given to reduce my risk and ensure that i have a very healthy lifestyle.

One thing I do believe is that having my daughter saved my life; having her moved all my organs around and made my symptoms so extreme.  If it wasn't for this I may not have known about the tumour until it was too late.  So she is my angel for so many reasons; she is my reason for fighting, her smile makes me forget my worries and she is my life-saver.  I am so very proud to be her Mummy.



Me and my little lifesaver when she was 6 days old

So, my advice to you all would be to always ask questions of health professionals; make sure you know everything that you need to know and if you don't feel happy about anything ask for a referral.  I have come to the conclusion that GPs by definition know a little about a lot, so asking to see someone who specialises in a certain area seems totally logical.  I became some what notorious for asking questions during my hospital stays; I would ask them everything about what they were doing to me and why.  But knowledge is power and you need to have that power when it comes to your health.  So, look after yourselves, listen to your bodies and keep asking questions.

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