As you can probably see from the picture in my last post, I have got really bad bags under my eyes. I guess the exhaustion from the chemo and the broken nights sleep have caught up with me! So, I wondered if you lovely lot had any recommendations for a good eye cream - I use Dermalogica skincare products, if that helps!
Thanks Cx
Monday, 12 March 2012
Making the most of it
My hair has always been my crowning glory. As a child I had white blonde tight curls, that developed into long wavy blonde hair. I have always loved my long hair: I once had a very short bob cut when I was 15, it was so awful! I won't inflict a photo of it on you, but to give you an idea my hair is so thick that my head ended up resembling a mushroom. So ever since then I have been growing it as long as I can; I've always imagined that I will be one of those old women with long white hair. The most drastic thing I have ever done was to go dark and have a bold fringe cut; but now it has become almost like my trade mark. So as you can imagine when I was told I had cancer one of my first thoughts was what will happen to my hair?
My oncologist has assured me that I have a low chance of loosing all of my hair, but I may well loose some. Luckily I have a lot of hair so I am hoping that any hair loss won't be too noticable. To be honest I haven't actually noticed much hair loss yet; I have been removing the hair out of my brush everyday so I can keep an eye on any changes. But in the meantime I am going to make the most of my ample hair; I remember when I was at school I would make sure that I had my hair in a different style everyday. So I am going to try and do this again! This weekend I managed to do a fish tail plait and I bought a large bun ring so I am going to experiment with that this week! Wish me luck!
Cx
My oncologist has assured me that I have a low chance of loosing all of my hair, but I may well loose some. Luckily I have a lot of hair so I am hoping that any hair loss won't be too noticable. To be honest I haven't actually noticed much hair loss yet; I have been removing the hair out of my brush everyday so I can keep an eye on any changes. But in the meantime I am going to make the most of my ample hair; I remember when I was at school I would make sure that I had my hair in a different style everyday. So I am going to try and do this again! This weekend I managed to do a fish tail plait and I bought a large bun ring so I am going to experiment with that this week! Wish me luck!
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| Not a bad attempt at a fish tail plait if I do say so myself! |
What a beautiful end to the week
What a beautiful sunny weekend to end an okay week! I have been feeling increasingly better this week - my side effects have been reducing as the week has gone on. I am beginning to work out my good and bad days; this second week is when I start to feel better and the third week is when I feel quite good! Although I am acutely aware of the fact that my immune system is really low, so whilst I am able to do a few more things this week, I am still nervous about going anywhere where there is a lot of people who would be close to me.
This weekend has been lovely! On Saturday I went to feed the ducks and play in the park with Alexa and my parents. She loved looking at all the ducks; shouting at the swan and trying to catch the flying seagulls. Then we went to the park; she absolutely loved it! Especially the swings - so much so that she pulled a bit of a tantrum when it was time to leave! Seeing as she turned one in January, I thought that I had some grace before the tantrums started! Then on the Sunday it was Alexa's swimming lesson; I have been struggling with the fact that I can only be a spectator, so this week I have working on seeing the positives. I don't have to get my hair wet and I can take lots of lovely pictures; so I did feel a lot happier about watching this time. She then spent the afternoon with her Daddy and I went shopping with Mum and Dad; although I didn't buy anything it was lovely to be out and get some fresh air
All of this made me feel quite 'normal' this weekend. So much so that I don't think I though about cancer and chemo very much! My make-up purchases from last weekend made me feel like I didn't look like a cancer patient and I had my lovely Zara tees to wear. The only constant reminder was my PICC line making an appearance whenever I took my jacket off; but as my Mum reminded me, I should be proud of it as it's helping to give me a fighting chance of living a long and healthy life.
I hope you all have a lovely week and that this sunshine becomes a bit more of a permanent fixture.
Cx
This weekend has been lovely! On Saturday I went to feed the ducks and play in the park with Alexa and my parents. She loved looking at all the ducks; shouting at the swan and trying to catch the flying seagulls. Then we went to the park; she absolutely loved it! Especially the swings - so much so that she pulled a bit of a tantrum when it was time to leave! Seeing as she turned one in January, I thought that I had some grace before the tantrums started! Then on the Sunday it was Alexa's swimming lesson; I have been struggling with the fact that I can only be a spectator, so this week I have working on seeing the positives. I don't have to get my hair wet and I can take lots of lovely pictures; so I did feel a lot happier about watching this time. She then spent the afternoon with her Daddy and I went shopping with Mum and Dad; although I didn't buy anything it was lovely to be out and get some fresh air
All of this made me feel quite 'normal' this weekend. So much so that I don't think I though about cancer and chemo very much! My make-up purchases from last weekend made me feel like I didn't look like a cancer patient and I had my lovely Zara tees to wear. The only constant reminder was my PICC line making an appearance whenever I took my jacket off; but as my Mum reminded me, I should be proud of it as it's helping to give me a fighting chance of living a long and healthy life.
I hope you all have a lovely week and that this sunshine becomes a bit more of a permanent fixture.
Cx
Friday, 9 March 2012
Overwhelmed again!
Yesterday was International Women's Day and I was completely overwhelmed by a blog post that a friend did about me. I know the Lovely Lauren through my best friend Lucy P - she is one of the funniest people I have ever met and one of the kindest. I knew she was planning to write a post to promote my blog and the Beating Bowel Cancer charity - but I must admit I was very emotional when I read the post that she dedicated to me.
It is strange when you read your story written by someone else - reading it was almost as though I was reading someone else's story! I was sat there thinking "oh how awful" - then remembered that it's actually my life! I know that makes sense at all! I suppose, as I may have said before, you just get on with what you have been dealt. The life I am living now is 'normal' for me, and although I can see an end to it eventually, I have kind of got used to the new routines and surprises that cancer treatment brings.
So, thank you Lauren for making me realise what I have gone through and for saying that I am an inspiration (*blushes*). It is so very touching and inspires me to continue to fight the fight!
Cx
Have a read of Lauren's post http://www.its-the-little-things.com/2012/03/im-every-woman.html - not only did I find it very, very touching, but it also made me giggle out loud!! Make sure you read all of her blog - its worth it. She is always doing exciting things and she is honestly so very funny. Love you Lolli xxx
So, thank you Lauren for making me realise what I have gone through and for saying that I am an inspiration (*blushes*). It is so very touching and inspires me to continue to fight the fight!
Cx
Wednesday, 7 March 2012
So overwhelmed x
Since starting this blog I have been so overwhelmed by the reaction from friends, family, acquaintances and strangers. I didn't imagine that I would have such amazing feedback, as my main incentive for starting the blog was as a therapeutic tool for myself. I have had over 3000 views (I don't have a clue if that is 'good' or not, but to me it's amazing!) and people from all over the world have read my story - even in places such as Japan, Russia, Sri Lanka, New Zealand and Saudi Arabia! I have had messages from old friends and colleagues thanking me for inspiring them to get their health checked out - this is exactly why it is so important to raise awareness not only of bowel cancer, but of any cancer, in fact just to raise awareness that you need to listen to your bodies and make health care professionals listen to you.
I have also been in touch with other young women who have gone through or are going through bowel cancer treatment. This has been very inspiring and amazingly comforting, as we are all able to support each other as we know exactly how each of us are feeling. Although having the support from those close to us is invaluable, it is great to be able to be in touch with someone who truly understands how you feel emotionally and physically. It also made me even more aware that cases of bowel cancer are clearly rising amongst young people. It seems that if there is a 'good time' to have cancer then it is now - social media and the internet has ensured that I feel so supported and I always have a place to turn to.
I have also been overwhelmed by fund raising support that has been inspired by my story. I have had so many people who have said that they are going to run the Race For Life this year and you will already have read about my friend Lois who is raising funds for Beating Bowel Cancer. My little girl's Uncle Stuart and Auntie Natalie are also running the Reading Half Marathon to raise money for Cancer Research and Arthritis Research - you can visit their fundraising page at http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/NatandStuClarke . The work that these charities do is invaluable and the research that has already been carried out has helped to raise survival rates for cancer, especially for bowel cancer.
So, thank you for taking the time to listen to my story, it means so much to me. I have at times found it emotional and wondered if I should be haring such a personal experience in such a public way, but the feedback I have received has made me certain that it is the right thing to do, for so many reasons.
Cx
I have also been in touch with other young women who have gone through or are going through bowel cancer treatment. This has been very inspiring and amazingly comforting, as we are all able to support each other as we know exactly how each of us are feeling. Although having the support from those close to us is invaluable, it is great to be able to be in touch with someone who truly understands how you feel emotionally and physically. It also made me even more aware that cases of bowel cancer are clearly rising amongst young people. It seems that if there is a 'good time' to have cancer then it is now - social media and the internet has ensured that I feel so supported and I always have a place to turn to.
I have also been overwhelmed by fund raising support that has been inspired by my story. I have had so many people who have said that they are going to run the Race For Life this year and you will already have read about my friend Lois who is raising funds for Beating Bowel Cancer. My little girl's Uncle Stuart and Auntie Natalie are also running the Reading Half Marathon to raise money for Cancer Research and Arthritis Research - you can visit their fundraising page at http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/NatandStuClarke . The work that these charities do is invaluable and the research that has already been carried out has helped to raise survival rates for cancer, especially for bowel cancer.
So, thank you for taking the time to listen to my story, it means so much to me. I have at times found it emotional and wondered if I should be haring such a personal experience in such a public way, but the feedback I have received has made me certain that it is the right thing to do, for so many reasons.
Cx
Tuesday, 6 March 2012
We are all allowed a down day.
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| I try to remind myself of this on tough days - image from kushandwizdom.com |
I apologise for neglecting my blog this week; my side affects have been quite severe this time and I have had problems with my hands. They keep freezing so that I cannot move my fingers, so typing has been some what of a challenge! My face has been going crazy too; I went to my favourite place, Space.NK to get some new foundation and as the lovely lady was re-applying my foundation my face kept freezing! I looked like botox gone seriously wrong! Luckily it just meant we could have a giggle about it, but it was very odd and made me crave being 'normal' again - although as my Mum quite rightly pointed out, I'm not sure I ever have been 'normal'!
This whole journey is more of a rollercoaster ride if I'm honest. Ive never been a fan of rollercoasters; they make you feel out of control and you never know what direction you are going to go next. This is exactly how I feel at the moment. I wouldn't say I'm a control freak, well ok then I would, so this is definitely one rollercoaster ride that I cannot wait to get off of! I try so hard to keep my life as normal as possible; I stick to Alexa's routines, take her to nursery (when she's not poorly or they have got chicken pox), I try to plan fun times with friends and family and I make sure I get dressed and do my make up everyday. Its funny how when a spanner is thrown in the works you really do appreciate normality; I crave to get back to work and see all my little kiddies and have a cuppa and chat in the staff room or to get dressed up and have a turkish delight cocktail and giggles with the girls.
But, normality at the moment is cancer and chemotherapy. I suppose I should be somewhat used to it now, but it is really hard. This week has reminded me even more that normality is a long way off yet. My side affects have been really severe and they don't seem to be wearing off this time, plus I have caught a cold which means constant monitoring of my temperature and being knocked for six!
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| Another inspirational quote from kushandwizdom.com |
Thursday, 1 March 2012
One month to go...
My gorgeous and life-long family friend Lois is running the Reading Half Marathon in a month's time. She is going to run it to save money for the Beating Bowel Cancer charity. I feel very touched that she has decided to run this race for such a worthwhile charity. They have been really supportive to me; always there at the end of the phone and tweeting me to make sure that I am feeling well through the chemotherapy.
It would mean so much if you were able to sponsor Lois in her race. She is running just over 13 miles and she has been in training for a while. She has a knee injury but has been working hard to stay on track with her training. I feel very proud of Lois and I am looking forward to supporting her from the sidelines. Here is the link to her fundraising page, www.justgiving.com/loisnorth86 please visit it and even the smallest amount donated makes a difference. I have just donated, so what's stopping you???
Thank you Cx
It would mean so much if you were able to sponsor Lois in her race. She is running just over 13 miles and she has been in training for a while. She has a knee injury but has been working hard to stay on track with her training. I feel very proud of Lois and I am looking forward to supporting her from the sidelines. Here is the link to her fundraising page, www.justgiving.com/loisnorth86 please visit it and even the smallest amount donated makes a difference. I have just donated, so what's stopping you???
Thank you Cx
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