Getting ready for round 3

Tomorrow is round three of chemo. I see the Oncologist to discuss my progress and then he will decide if they need to tweak the dosage.  I am hopeful that this will happen as my side effects were so intense last time, but if this is the case it will mean a looooooong wait in the RBH whilst the new dosage is made up in the pharmacy and finally released for me to have.

I am not sure how I feel about this round; I am slightly worried about how painful it could be as my PICC line is out and I will be having it through a cannula.  Also after the horrific side effects last time I am not looking forward to experiencing them again.  That's the hardest bit about all this; for the past week I have felt quite well and relatively normal, but its hard to enjoy this feeling as you know that feeling will be taken away from you in a few days.  Although on the whole I am very positive about this whole experience, chemotherapy certainly tests this!

On a positive note, I had a wonderful Mother's Day.  I woke up to a lovely card and Zara vouchers from my girl and gave my Mum some yummy choccies from Hotel Chocolate.  Then my Mum, Dad, sister Lucy, Alexa and I went to the lambing at a local farm.  Although I was very cautious of being around animals, I was able to enjoy a normal day with my girl.  She enjoyed looking at the farm animals from a distance, but wasn't as sure when it came to holding the lambs!  It was a special day and although I did have to take a bit of a step back, I felt like a normal Mummy.

I have noticed as I write this blog that my word of choice is 'normal'.  I think that it a reflection of how cancer and chemotherapy takes over every element of your life.  It takes away all of those everyday and mundane things that we take for granted.  I cant wait to have a bath without needing to keep my arm/line dry, to get back to work, to be able to drink a really cold drink without my throat spasming, to be able to go out for a drink with my girls, be a normal Mummy, to be able to stay at my own flat again or to be able to get through the day without a nap!!  I know that I will get back to all of these things again, and when I do I will appreciate them more.  I will not moan about the small things, I will be thankful for the mundane things that I have previously moaned about and I will smile when I am tested in life, because I am grateful that I am still here to experience it all.

Wish me luck for round 3.
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