Race for Life

As I have already said I will be running the Race for Life in Reading this year.  It takes place on 22nd July in Prospect Park.  My Mum and I have ran the Race for Life for many years, but this year it will be so relevant and definitely emotional.  I am due to have my final chemo session in the first week of July, so this has been my goal for the end of my treatment and I am determined to get round the course; I may not be able to run it all but I know that I will get to the finish line.

I am running the Race for Life firstly for myself; not in an egotistical way, but in an appreciative way.  I am so grateful for the work that Cancer Research UK does; it has ensured that survival rates for cancer have improved so much that it now not the death sentence that it once was.  I am running to say thank you to the amazing nurses, surgeons, consultants, doctors and staff at the Royal Berkshire Hospital who have looked after me amazingly through this journey so far; I have felt so safe and well looked after both during my operation and now during chemotherapy.  I am running to say thank you to all my wonderful family and friend who have been nothing short of amazing and supportive during this time - I couldn't have done this without them.

I am running Race for Life for amazing and inspiring women that I know; the first is my friend Jess.  She has had an exceptionally tough year having been diagnosed with breast cancer just after having her beautiful baby girl.  She has been such an inspiring person and has helped me to see that this battle is one that can won; she has done it with such dignity and beauty, she's amazing.  Also for an old school friend Shakira who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer; she has just started her battle, but I can already see that she is strong and has a wonderful family around her helping to fight the fight. 

I am running for my twitter friends who have gone through or are going through their own battles with bowel cancer and other forms of cancer.  It is amazing the comfort you get from people who you have never met; but their support to me is invaluable.  They have first hand experience of what I am going through and we can help to give each other support, encouragement and answers to questions.

I am running in memory of so many family and friends who have lost their battle with cancer.  Life can turn a cruel hand sometimes and it can break so many people's hearts.  But the stories of those that have lost their fight can inspire and encourage people to make sure that if they are faced with a similar challenge to put up a good fight or if they have symptoms to make sure that they get checked out.

I am running to help to inspire people who may be going through something similar, so they can see that there can be a happy ending; "Life is a book of chapters and just because you get one bad chapter it doesn't mean the book is over".

If you would like to support me and my gorgeous angels you can visit our sponsorship page, either by clicking on the link to your right or here .  Thank you to everyone who has sponsored us already - we have raised £250 already and we aren't running until July!!

Much Love and thanks Cx

Ding Ding! Round 6

Firstly I must apologise for neglecting my blog recently.  I have had a real emotional rollercoaster these past few weeks.  I am finding that as I am nearing the end of my chemotherapy I am becoming increasing scared about 'going it alone'.  Although chemo is not a walk in the park at all, I find comfort knowing that I have these cancer fighting drugs inside me doing their job; I worry about what will happen when I suddenly have to fight the cancer returning by myself.  I know that I will be monitored closely for the next five years, but I anxiety of not knowing why I developed the cancer is making me feel very nervous.  I am planning on a total lifestyle and diet overhaul in the hope that I will have that on my side; but I find it all very overwhelming.  I am sure that these are all very normal feeling so I am not too worried, but I wanted you all to know why I have been away for a little while!!

So, on to my sixth round of chemo!  Last time my blood results were very borderline, it was only my white blood cell count that ensured that the chemo could go ahead; this time going into chemo I felt very run down and low so I knew that I would be in a similar situation, in fact I was certain that they would have to delay my treatment for a week.  But I stayed positive and Mum and I started the day with a yummy breakfast.  I have clearly spent a lot of time in the coffee shop at the Royal Berks and I had collected enough loyalty points for a free cup of coffee, so that was a good start to the day!

We went to see the oncologist at about 10am, and as usual had a long old wait to be seen!  Once we were almost an hour late I did wonder if they had forgotten me, but was assured I was next! I do wonder how they manage to run so late as I seem to be in and out in no time!  He was happy with my improved side effects, due to the slightly reduced dosage.  As I predicted my blood tests were borderline, but my white blood cells saved the day again so we were all good to go ahead with the treatment.

So it was off to the chemo ward to wait for the chemo to be released by the pharmacy.  Mum and I waited patiently with our trashy mags and M&S lunch!  The M&S is definitely the best thing to arrive in the Royal Berks!!  I was plugged in at about 1.30 and we filled our time with more trashy mags! I have bought books to read about how your diet and lifestyle can help to fight cancer, and I bring them with me each week with the intention of reading them, but I am still feeling overwhelmed by it all.  I am sure I will finally get my head around reading them! 

The time went by quite quickly thankfully and it was time to pick up by beautiful girl from nursery.  As I am sure you have already picked up on this is my favourite part of the whole day; however bad I feel after the treatment I am always determined to go into nursery and see her face when I walk in.  Its priceless and reminds me of what my fight is all about.  She is my rock and my life and the very best thing to ever happen to me.


Well what about this beautiful weather?!? Doesn't it make everything seem so much better? You can wake up with a smile on your face, it makes you want to get up out of bed and make the most of the day.  It has also had a very positive affect on my side effects; the warmth has helped to reduce the tingling but I must admit I find it hard not being able to have an ice lolly or a cold drink; gosh that's all I am craving!!


I hope that you are all well and wish you all a wonderful week.


Much love Cx

A new found respect

I have always had a love/hate relationship with my body; wanting to be thinner, more toned or hating my spotty skin - but I have rarely thought about the inside of my body.  I am relatively healthy; I have my weaknesses (sugar, sweets and chocolate) which I have since found out that cancer loves - great!  I haven't always exercised; I was always that lucky/annoying girl who could eat whatever I liked and not exercise and still have a good(ish) body.  Although that only lasted until I was 21, now I need to work at it, although I tend to have a cycle of not working at it, hating my body and then working on it for a while before the cycle starts again!

Since my diagnosis I have viewed my body quite differently.  To begin with I felt very cross and as though my body had let me down my allowing this lodger into my body, letting it stay comfortably and feeding it enabling it to grow.  But since then I have realised that actually my body is amazing.  I don't know why I developed cancer or how long it was in there for, but I do believe that the tumour grew slowly over a number of years from a polyp in my colon.  Throughout this time my body served me well considering it had something alien begin to attack it; I was a well person who knew they had "bowel issues" but could control them well.

It is now that I look back to when I was pregnant that I realise just how amazing my body is.  By this time the tumour would have been quite big and well developed, and yet during my pregnancy I felt better than I had for years.  My body protected my beautiful girl, it fed her and allowed her to develop into the perfect baby that I have now.  My body even managed to produce the food that she had exclusively until she was 4 months old; this was against all the odds.  By the time I had given birth and was breastfeeding I was starting to become quite ill; my food was going straight through me and I was in constant pain, yet my body fed Alexa and she grew perfectly.  I even managed to go back to work full time and look after Alexa, and although my body was beginning to fail it still allowed me to do all of this; I even went through an OFSTED inspection during this time and we got outstanding!

So to my body; thank you for being so strong and fighting this cancer, we still have some of this journey to ride out together, but we will get there.  Thank you for being stronger than I ever imagined was possible. Thank you for nurturing both me and Alexa against the odds.  I promise that I will look after you and give you all the goodness that you need to carry on being so strong and amazing for the rest of our long and healthy life. Oh and I know that you are used to all the sugar but I am going to have to make you go cold turkey a little bit - please forgive me!

Much Love Cx

Ding Ding! Round 5

So, I now have less rounds left that I have had! That makes it seem like I'm on the home run!!  I prepared for round 5 on Monday evening by giving myself a lovely lilac manicure; seeing as my hands will be practically out of use for a week or so I made the most of it!  Alexa slept over at her Daddy's so I appreciated an early night; although it never quite works out like that as I miss her sleeping in the same room as me and hearing her breathing.  But I appreciated it in the morning as he dropped her to nursery so Mum and I could leave for the hospital early to have some breakfast. 

I made sure I had my special bracelet on as usual; it was given to me by my two besties, Aisha and Sharifa, for Christmas.  We decided that from the point of diagnosis I have been on my yellow brick road to recovery, so the bracelet disc with 'Dorothy' on which is a reminder of my journey.  Our other special word for this time is 'believe'; I have never lost the belief that I will survive this challenge and again my bracelet is a reminder of this.  I am going to have a tattoo of believe once my treatment is over; and a few of my friends are going to join me.  Having my bracelet always makes me feel like I have my girls with me all the way; it is very special to me.

My gorgeous bracelet from my girls Aisha and Sharifa xx

My appointment with my Oncologist was at 10.10am, and by some miracle we only had to wait for 20 minutes this week! That is some kind of a record as you can usually wait for much longer than that!  The appointment was as usual very quick, the doctor was happy with my blood tests, although my immune system was down slightly, but my white blood cell count was good so they decided not to postpone the treatment.  The doctor decided to keep the slightly reduced dosage as my side effects were much more manageable.  I also asked about how I will be monitored after the chemo and was told it would involve CT scans every 6 months for the next 5 years and regular colonoscopies.  So once we booked my next appointment in three weeks time it was up to the chemo ward.

Again, the wait wasn't too long, only 1 and a half hours; so I was plugged in at about 1pm.  I had a few trashy magazines to keep me occupied, so I am well up on all my celebrity gossip!  The two hours infusion was uneventful and the two hours went very quickly.  Once it was over the nurse had to remove the blue clip from my Hickman line; this was painless but she was very nervous as the stitches that she had to cut through were very close to the line, so she was worried she might accidentally cut a whole in the line.  But luckily she managed it well and the line is still intact!  It is far more comfortable without the clip and I feel much happier with the Hickman line.  It is easier to hide under clothing and I have had no reaction to the line at all.

Here's me taking the 'dog' for a little walk!

Here's where the line comes out of my chest without the clip - it looks sore as the stitches have just been taken out

Here is how long the Hickman Line is!

So it was time to pick up my gorgeous little Lex!  Its always the perfect way to end a strange day!  As I hadn't seen her since 5ish the day before it is always to lovely to see her big smile and running cuddles, it reminds me of the good things in life!  So off we went home with slight tingling in my fingers and toes; and I ended the evening in the best place ever, cuddled up with my special girl.

The best way to end the day xxx

Much Love Cx