Sorry for the absence...

I must apologise for neglecting my blog; I have now had over 8300 views (which is unbelievable) so I know that a lot of friends and family keep up to date with my goings on through this blog.  So I hope I haven't worried anyone by going missing for a while!  The reason I have been absent is because I had a lovely mini-break with my gorgeous family.  Mum, Dad, my sis Lucy, Alexa and I stayed in a caravan in Poole; we picked Poole as it is a nice getaway and my lovely grandparents live in Poole also.  I was hoping to have the chance to catch up with the blog, but unfortunately there was no internet! I must admit I did feel a bit lost without it!

Despite the weather we managed to make the most of it; we went to Sandbanks where Alexa loved playing in the sand, we visited a farm, went shopping, went swimming, visiting grandma and Grandad and caught up with some old friends The Norths.  We always used to holiday with the Norths, so it was lovely to see them all and it felt very reminiscent of our childhood holidays.  So all in all it was a busy and most enjoyable few days away and just what the doctor ordered.  And I am very pleased to let you all know that my Gramps is making excellent progress since his stroke; he is physically well, but he is still confusing and loosing some words.  It was so lovely to see him and give him a big kiss and cuddle.

I have been feeling really well this week; I have had minimal side effects, except the exhaustion.  I felt like a 'normal' Mum taking Alexa to the beach and the farm.  It was a really special time and one that I will cherish for years to come.

So now it's getting ready for round 5 on Tuesday.  I am making the most of the last weekend before we start the cycle all over again!  I am catching up with friends today and will be attending the official presentation and party at Reading FC; celebrating their league win and promotion to the Premiership.  I'm not a football fan, but Alexa's Daddy works at the club and I'm sure Alexa is very proud that her Daddy now works at a Premiership football club!

I hope you are all well and didn't drown in all the rain!!

Much Love Cx

War Wounds

**WARNING! Pictures of my wounds from my operation!!**

I have been debating with myself as to whether I should post pictures of my operation scars, but I have been speaking to some other people through Twitter who are about to undergo surgery and I thought that it might be useful to show how well the scars heal.  So I have made the decision to post them - I hope that you are not too squeamish, but to be honest they are not as bad as you might imagine.

I have always had a huge fear of being cut open, so this procedure forced me to face this fear head on.  My way of coping was to try and not to think about it too deeply, just go with what the health professionals say and put my trust in them.  I wasn't too worried about the size of the scar, as long as it was neat and the tumour was successfully removed.  I often look at the scars and wonder what my colon looks like inside; I know that a foot was removed so it must look strange.  But to be honest as long as it works ok then I shouldn't really worry!  I do find the body's ability to heal and mend itself just amazing; mine has been through pregnancy, the trauma of birth and then dealing with cancer and its treatment in just over a year.  Its just amazing that it is still serving me so well.

Just to remind you, I had keyhole surgery.  The large wound that goes through my belly button is where the tumour and part of the colon was taken out and there are three smaller incisions (below my belly button and either side of but below the belly button) where the rods would have gone through to perform the keyhole surgery.  So here they are.....

This was 4 days after the surgery; I cannot believe how swollen my tummy is, but then a lot had gone on under the skin.  The wounds are glued and didn't have any dressings on from when I left the operating theatre.

These are the wounds today - hardly noticeable!

i hope you didn't find them too gruesome!

Much Love Cx

What a difference a few days make x

Image from www.kushandwizdom.tumblr.com

After having such a down week last week I am feeling far more positive and like myself these past few days.  It has confirmed to me that it really must be the steroids that give me such a down feeling, so at least when the black mood returns I know that it will lift soon enough.

I had the district nurse round on Monday; she flushed my Hickman line with saline and a anti-blood clotting solution and then she took the dressings off.  In line with quite a number of Health Trusts, Berkshire like to have Hickman lines free of dressings, so I am hoping that will eliminate any reaction I could have with dressings.  It did feel weird to have no dressing and the line hangs down to my waist! Thank god I'm a girl and can tuck it into my bra, I'd be so worried it catch it and pull it if it was hanging down all the time! 

Here's my hickman line without the dressing - the blue clip is stitched in place and will be removed before my next chemo session in 2 weeks

Monday evening I felt so much more positive that I had a head-to-toe pamper with my gorgeous Dermalogica products and even gave myself a manicure!  Its weird how these little things mean so much when your life is thrown into turmoil!  I had an early night in my cosy White Company PJs and slept like a baby; until my baby woke me up!! But we had lovely cuddles so I can't complain.

My home manicure! A bit messy but not too bad!

Treated myself to some yummy pastels - cannot wait to try them out

On Tuesday my line was a bit sore and inflamed, which made me feel a bit paranoid.  So I went down to the Docs and a nurse checked it out for me; she thought it looked normal but put some Iodine and a dressing on it just to be sure.  I have had to change my Doctor's as I am staying at my parents during treatment, and I have to say that I cannot fault the amazing care that they have given me.  I have phone calls from the district nurses just to see how I am getting on and I always feel that I can pop in and see the nurses if I am worried about anything.  It really means so much to know that you have that support network behind you.

Today Mum, Alexa and I braved going to Goring to feed the ducks and have some yummy lunch.  Although it was rainy we managed to dodge the rain when feeding the ducks and the heavens opened once we were safely inside the restaurant!  It was so lovely to feel 'normal'; as you all know this is something I crave more than chocolate!!

So here's to a lovely, positive week.  I wish the same to you all.

Much Love Cx

Ding Ding! Round 4

I am now half way through chemotherapy!! YAY!

I must apologise for neglecting my blog last week; I found last week quite difficult emotionally and physically.  I have worked out that the steroids that you have for anti-sickness alongside the chemo make you feel a bit 'trippy' for the first two days, and by Thursday I start to experience a bit of a come down.  I spent nearly all of Thursday sleeping, and emotionally I have felt a bit down since.  But I am determined to have a positive week this week.

So, let's fill you in on what happened last week!  Tuesday started earlier as usual as I was having my Hickman line inserted.  As you may have already read the PICC lines which go in through my arm to my heart didn't work out for me, so rather than risk permanent damage from the chemo to the veins in my hands, it was decided that I would have a Hickman line inserted.  It essentially does the same job as the PICC; it is tunnelled under the skin from the chest to the main artery in your neck, it is then inserted through the artery into the heart.  It will (hopefully) stay in until the end of my treatment and all blood tests can be taken from the line and my chemo is administered through the line.

Here's what the Hickman line looks inside

 My Mum and I arrived at 8.30 ready for the procedure; the car park was empty so we were able to park right by the Berkshire Cancer Centre for the first time!  I had decided that I would be sedated for the procedure as I had had enough of being brave all the time, so I hadn't eaten since the previous evening.  We had been warned that it would be manic in the Cancer Ward due to the two Easter bank holidays, and it certainly was! Normally everyone has their blood tests the day before the chemo so everyone was in early to have their blood taken ready for their chemo.  Thankfully I was able to have mine taken whilst Esme inserted my line.  I felt very apprehensive about the line as I have enjoyed feeling free of lines and also it is quite intrusive, but Esme is so lovely and she made me feel relaxed.  My Mum decided not to stay and watch, and I think that was definitely a good decision as it wasn't very pleasant.  The sedation didn't really touch me much, but the area was anaesthetised so I could feel pressure but no pain.  I'm not going to lie, it was really horrible, especially the pressure of my neck as the line went in.

Here's my lovely Hickman line!

So the line was inserted and it felt very strange, limiting movement in my neck, but we went off to the X-Ray department to make sure it was in the correct position.  Luckily it was and I went down to meet my Oncologist dressed in a lovely hospital gown alongside half of my comfy tracksuit!  Very attractive!  This ran smoothly, although it is probably due to the fact that I was quite late for the appointment because of the procedure and the X-Ray.  He was happy with how I was getting on and my bloods were fine; he decided to drop the dosage of Oxiplatin by 15% and would look at maybe reducing my tablet chemo next time depending on how severe my side effects are this time.  So it was back up to the chemo ward expecting a long wait, but again it ran smoothly and I was in within an hour!  Even more luckily the ward was so busy that there were no chairs left so I was able to go into a side room with a bed; so a good two hour nap was enjoyed!  That certainly made the chemo go quicker.  Before I knew it it was time to go home.  It was then that we encountered our last challenge of the day.  Somehow we had managed to have two idiots parking so closely to either side of the car that we could not open the doors either side; I mean, really, can people be THAT stupid?!?  Luckily they had permits in them so we managed to track them down, only to be told "well you shouldn't have parked so close then!"  Ummmmm, excuse me! We were here at 8.30 with no cars in sight and parked well within the lines! He did sort of apologise when he saw the predicament we were in and realised HE was at fault.

The dropping of the dosage certainly helped with the side effects; I had a tingly nose and fingers as I left, but nothing too extreme thankfully.  The side effects have grown in intensity during the week, and it wasn't helped by the cold wind this weekend making my hands and feet totally numb!  The exhaustion has been the main side effect this week; if you left me I could sleep all day and night!  But I am holding on to the thought that I am half way through and I have come so far that I will not let it beat me!

Hope you are all well?
Much Love Cx

Bowel Cancer Awareness Month

Did you know that someone dies every 30 minutes from bowel cancer?  I am one of the lucky ones and I know that my journey is far from over; but I am also acutely aware that I am in the amazing position to be able to be positive about my future.  Not everyone is as lucky; but if caught early bowel cancer is one of the most treatable cancers.

So to help in the battle April is Bowel Cancer Awareness Month; during this month cancer charities will be doing lots to raise awareness and money.   The Beating Bowel Cancer charity is asking you to pledge your support by joining their Bowel Movement; their aim is to get people talking about bowel cancer and the symptoms.

There are many ways that you can support Beating Bowel Cancer, such as

• Join our Bowel Movement
• Fundraise for us
• Come to our Patient Day
• Volunteer at our London Marathon cheer point
• Support us on eBay
• Blog for us

Click on any of the above links for more information.  Beating Bowel Cancer is a fantastic charity and has given me lots of support and advice; you can find their website here .

Bowel Cancer UK is also suggesting lots of ways that you can help to raise awareness, such as;

• Place an order for our free awareness materials and promote and display them in a public place such as your company, local shops, library or at your GP surgery.
• Arrange a bowel cancer awareness stand or talk in your community or with business or employer. Contact our Health Promotion team for details on 020 7381 9711 or healthpromotion@bowelcanceruk.org.uk
• Make sure your family and friends know about the symptoms of bowel cancer.
• Follow us on facebook and twitter and tweet, retweet and facebook our messages, information and factsheets.
• Help us raise awareness of bowel cancer among women by watching or sharing our 'Care to Share' video.
• If you have been closely affected by bowel cancer, share your story with us. Contact press@bowelcanceruk.org.uk
• Publicise our Information and Support Service - freephone 0800 8 40 35 40 so that we can continue to support nearly 40,000 people diagnosed with bowel cancer each year.

If you would like to know more about Bowel Cancer UK you can visit their website here .

Do you know the symptoms of bowel cancer?
I have blogged about the symptoms previously, but here is a quick reminder;

• a change in your bowel habit, such as looser poo, lasting longer than 3 weeks
• blood in your poo
• unexplained weight loss
• feeling more tired than usual
• abdominal pain or a lump in your stomach area
• anaemia

Not all of these symptoms means that you do have bowel cancer, and you might not necessarily get all of these symptoms, but if you are at all worried then I would suggest seeing a doctor, just in case.  You can find out more about the symptoms here .

So make as much noise as you can about bowel cancer and its symptoms, it could save a life.

Much Love Cx

"So, how are you getting on?"

Its funny how every round of chemo can be so different.  I thought that I had worked out my side affects and good/bad days during the last round, but this time things have been really different.  I'm not sure if it was due to me having in through the cannula in my hand.  When I spoke to one of the nurses about this she did seem to agree that this could have caused my side affects to build slowly and last longer, as having it through a PICC line is like a waterfall through your body, whereas having it go through a smaller vein means its more like a slow trickle.  I did feel quite well straight after the chemo this time, but I've realised that was due to the steroids which I am given to counteract the sickness that happens with the chemo.  During the end of the first week and the second week the tingling in my fingers and toes was quite bad, as was the tingling in my throat when I had anything cold; so no cold drinks or ice-cream for me! 

The tingling has improved over this third week; but I have developed other side effects! On Friday I developed a rash all over my face, upper back and hands.  This got progressively worse through out the day and I was planning on going to get it checked out in the morning; but it got to a level where I could not take it anymore and you could see it spreading up my face.  I then decided to call the out of hours Doctors service; they listened to my symptoms and decided to send someone out to see me rather than risk going to a waiting room full of germs!  Luckily the doctor thought it was a reaction to the chemo, so he checked everything just in case and gave me some anti-histamines.  This did the trick and stopped the rash getting worse, although I am left with skin like a snake on my face! Lovely!

I've also developed the sore mouth and ulcers which I had during the first round but escaped during the second round.  I'm using the mouthwash prescribed for me and that does help a little bit, but it is so painful when I swallow.  I have also had a bit of a cold this week, and this has completely knocked me for six! I slept most of yesterday and from 7pm to 8am!! So i did feel much better this morning.

So I am looking forward to the Easter weekend before the fourth round on Tuesday - I will be half way through then!!

Much Love Cx

WELL DONE!!

A HUGE congratulations to Lois, Natalie and Stuart who finished the Reading Half Marathon successfully and in excellent time! Lois finished in 2:14:17 and I know that Natalie and Stuart finished before 2hours 15minutes.  They raised so much money for amazing charities; Lois raised £390 for Beating Bowel Cancer and Natalie and Stuart raised £647 for Cancer Research UK and Arthritis Research.  How amazing is that?!? (Sorry I didn't get a photo of you Lois :( not quite quick enough!)

Here's Natalie and Stuart in action!

I am so incredibly proud of them and it was so much fun watching them along the route on Sunday.  Looking out for people you know when you have hundreds of people running towards you is not easy, so luckily they spotted us!  Alexa loved clapping and cheering all of the runners; there were also drummers supporting along the way which Alexa loved dancing to!  It was lovely to see all the causes that people were raising money for; I gave an extra cheer for people raising money for Macmillan, Cancer Research and Crohn's and Colitis Association.  Lots of people had their names on their shirts so it was lovely that were able to cheer on people individually too and they seemed to really appreciate it!

So, well done to my amazing friends, you really made me proud.  Thank you x

Cx