This weekend is the Reading Half Marathon. I spent a lot of my childhood supporting both my Mum and Dad as they ran around the course; picking daffodils and eating ice-creams as we looked out for them. This year I will be following some very special friends as they complete the course.
I have mentioned them before but I am going to remind you again! One of my oldest family friends, Lois, is running to raise money for the Beating Bowel Cancer, which is a charity extremely close to my heart. They provided me with a little of support during my illness and chemotherapy; their nurses are always on the end of the phone to answer any questions that I might have. Lois has done extremely well in her fundraising, but every little bit helps! Please visit her fundraising page here .
Alexa's Auntie Natalie and Uncle Stuart are also running to raise money for Cancer Research and Arthritis Research. These are both causes close to both mine and their hearts. They again are doing really well in their fundraising, you can visit their fundraising page here .
So thank you in advance for your support for my good friends. I am so very proud of both the fundraising that they have done and also for all the training that they have done. I feel very touched that they have chosen charities based on what I am going through; it means the world to me. I cannot wait to look out for them on Sunday and to give them a good old cheer!
Cx
Friday, 30 March 2012
Life is so very precious x
I must apologise for neglecting my blog this week - it has been an emotional week and I haven't felt like sitting down and typing until today.
This week I was again reminded how fragile and precious life really is. My gorgeous Grandad, who I completely adore, had a stroke on Saturday evening. We had a phonecall from my Mum's cousin before the ambulance had left my Grandparents' house. The problem is they live in Dorset and we live in Reading, so the dash to the hospital is not quite as week as we have become used to! Mum, Dad and myself threw lots of random bits into bags and ran to the car, picking Alexa up from her Daddy's on the way; my sister was at a do in Stroud so felt even further away and totally helpless. The journey seemed very long and we were all full of worry as we did not know anything.
Once we got to the hospital we went straight to A&E; I was slightly worried about the risk of infection, but it was a risk I was willing to take for my Gramps. Luckily we had a side room to congregate in and took it in turns to go and see him. At this point he was very out of it, his face had dropped and he could hardly move his right side. It was so emotional seeing the man I love so much so poorly. He is 85 but he is extremely 'with it' both mentally and physically. In fact this was somewhat his downfall; he decided that he would change his leaking water tank himself rather than pay for someone to do it!
Throughout all of this I just felt for my poor Grandma; she doesn't cope well in emergencies and I knew that she was hiding just how upset she was from all of us. But she reacted so quickly and knew that grandad was having a stroke, and this ultimately saved his life. It was when Grandad sat down after working all day that the stroke happened; he dropped his paper and tried to pick it up but couldn't. He couldn't talk and Grandma recognised the signs of a stroke from the television advert. She ran next door and they took over from her ensuring that the ambulance was called.
We left the hospital at about 10.30pm when Grandad was safely tucked up in the stroke ward and had some egg and chips, which went down nicely!! We all slept well that night. We were eagerly looking forward to going to see Grandad the next day, but unfortunately as there was the neurovirus on his ward we were restricted to just an hour at 2pm. I didn't stay too long when we went; I literally popped my head in to say hi and bye. He looked really well; he was talking (although muddling his words), he was sat up and he could move his right side. My Grandad is a fighter and I was so pleased to see his amazing progress in less than a day.
He came home on Thursday; he is able to walk, climb stairs and is independent. He is still muddling his words, but he will have support from Speech Therapists. His recovery so far has been amazing; he does need to have an operation on his corroted artery soon. I am amazed by his strength and I know that, although his recovery will be a long road, he will get there and will be back to being my sparkly Gramps again.
 |
| My gorgeous Grandparents with Alexa |
Once we got to the hospital we went straight to A&E; I was slightly worried about the risk of infection, but it was a risk I was willing to take for my Gramps. Luckily we had a side room to congregate in and took it in turns to go and see him. At this point he was very out of it, his face had dropped and he could hardly move his right side. It was so emotional seeing the man I love so much so poorly. He is 85 but he is extremely 'with it' both mentally and physically. In fact this was somewhat his downfall; he decided that he would change his leaking water tank himself rather than pay for someone to do it!
Throughout all of this I just felt for my poor Grandma; she doesn't cope well in emergencies and I knew that she was hiding just how upset she was from all of us. But she reacted so quickly and knew that grandad was having a stroke, and this ultimately saved his life. It was when Grandad sat down after working all day that the stroke happened; he dropped his paper and tried to pick it up but couldn't. He couldn't talk and Grandma recognised the signs of a stroke from the television advert. She ran next door and they took over from her ensuring that the ambulance was called.
We left the hospital at about 10.30pm when Grandad was safely tucked up in the stroke ward and had some egg and chips, which went down nicely!! We all slept well that night. We were eagerly looking forward to going to see Grandad the next day, but unfortunately as there was the neurovirus on his ward we were restricted to just an hour at 2pm. I didn't stay too long when we went; I literally popped my head in to say hi and bye. He looked really well; he was talking (although muddling his words), he was sat up and he could move his right side. My Grandad is a fighter and I was so pleased to see his amazing progress in less than a day.
He came home on Thursday; he is able to walk, climb stairs and is independent. He is still muddling his words, but he will have support from Speech Therapists. His recovery so far has been amazing; he does need to have an operation on his corroted artery soon. I am amazed by his strength and I know that, although his recovery will be a long road, he will get there and will be back to being my sparkly Gramps again.
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| Do you know the signs of a stroke? |
So the moral of this story is; make sure you let the people you love just how much you love them, spend time with them and appreciate all that they do for you.
Keep praying Cx
Thursday, 22 March 2012
Ding Ding!! Round 3!
Round three started very smoothly. Alexa had a sleepover at Daddy's, so he was able to drop her to Nursery, which took a bit of pressure off us time-wise. My Dad dropped us off at the hospital just before 9, so Mum and myself had a coffee and a bit of breakfast before seeing the Oncologist. After seeing the Oncologist last time and having a stand-up routine during the appointment, I had written all my questions and queries written in my trusty notebook so I wouldn't forget to discuss them with him. We went to the Berkshire Cancer Centre and pitched up with all our magazines expecting the usual long wait; but I had only just finished flicking through this month's Elle when they called us in.
We discussed my visit to A&E over the weekend and options for a replacement line; he said that he was hopeful that I could have a cannula inserted each time rather than have anything permanent, but we would need to see how I coped with that this time. I shared with him all my side effects from last time and he said that he would keep the dosage the same this time, but look to maybe reducing it slightly for the next round. I also confirmed that I am having 8 rounds in total, so I am nearing half way through! YAY!
So off I went to the chemo ward, expecting a long old wait, but it didn't take too long for me to be called in, which even the nurse was surprised at! I raced for the comfy reclining chair this time, as I have never managed to nab one before. So I had the cannula inserted into my hand and was expecting the chemo to be painful as it went through, but thankfully it wasn't. I reclined the chair back and even managed to have a little doze inbetween reading this week's gossip magazines.
Whilst I was there I saw a girl who I went to school with, who I had bumped into last time I was in. She is suffering from breast cancer and was having her PICC line inserted ready for her first round of chemo. I am just so surprised at how many young and healthy women are developing cancer. It really puzzles me as all the advice is to stay a healthy weight, have a balanced diet, don't smoke or drink, and you do this, yet you develop cancer?!? It makes no sense and makes me want to shake people who smoke, are overweight, eat unhealthy and drink lots. If it can happen to me then why would you want to increase your chances! Although I have heard the argument that if someone healthy can get cancer then you might as well carry on with unhealthy ways - sorry, but that makes NO sense to me at all!
I also chatted to the lady sat next to me who was in the early 50s who also suffered from bowel cancer. She felt that she was young to have developed bowel cancer so was even more shocked when she discovered that I also did. Her story was similar to mine; she developed symptoms and was rushed into A&E with a blockage which was diagnosed as Diverticulitis, which is a bowel condition. It was the colonoscopy that discovered her cancer and she went on to have about a foot removed of her colon and was having chemotherapy as a precaution.
So with all this dozing and chatting the 2 hours went very quickly; unfortunately it was near to the end of the 2 hours that my arm became really painful. The drugs are painful when they go through the smaller veins in the hand; I had a heat pack on to help alleviate the pain, but it was still there. It was as if needles were moving through my vein up my arm; and as I write this on Thursday the pain is still very much there. So I need to weigh up the pain against having a Hickman line in my chest which would deliver the chemo straight into my heart, thus avoid the pain from the cannula.
Before we left I had a lovely surprise visit from a very close family friend Jill - she text to see if she could come and kepp us company and it was perfect timing as I had almost finished. So we went for a well deserved cup of tea and a chin wag in the hospital. Jill has been a rock through this experience, always having the right words to say and helping me to stay positive - I love her to bits! So it was lovely seeing her, but unfortunately it got cut a little bit short as I had a phone call from Alexa's nursery to say she had a bit of a temperature - more teething, poor lil thing!
My side effects weren't as severe this time as I left the hospital; but over the past few days that have been returning with a vengeance. The tingling and numbness, exhaustion and nausea. I am thinking that as I had the chemo delivered in a different way through the cannula that the chemo has taken slightly longer to travel around my body - but I may be wrong, just my theory.
Another round done, so another round closer to the end! I am noticing that I am loosing some hair - I tried the bun ring in a high bun, but it made me notice how thin my hair was around the side of my face. So low styles for me I think to disguise this. The thought of loosing my beautiful hair is a very scary prospect, but my wonderful friend Aisha reminded me that 'every lion can afford to lose a bit of their mane in a fight', and thankfully I certainly have enough of a mane.
Cx
We discussed my visit to A&E over the weekend and options for a replacement line; he said that he was hopeful that I could have a cannula inserted each time rather than have anything permanent, but we would need to see how I coped with that this time. I shared with him all my side effects from last time and he said that he would keep the dosage the same this time, but look to maybe reducing it slightly for the next round. I also confirmed that I am having 8 rounds in total, so I am nearing half way through! YAY!
So off I went to the chemo ward, expecting a long old wait, but it didn't take too long for me to be called in, which even the nurse was surprised at! I raced for the comfy reclining chair this time, as I have never managed to nab one before. So I had the cannula inserted into my hand and was expecting the chemo to be painful as it went through, but thankfully it wasn't. I reclined the chair back and even managed to have a little doze inbetween reading this week's gossip magazines.
Whilst I was there I saw a girl who I went to school with, who I had bumped into last time I was in. She is suffering from breast cancer and was having her PICC line inserted ready for her first round of chemo. I am just so surprised at how many young and healthy women are developing cancer. It really puzzles me as all the advice is to stay a healthy weight, have a balanced diet, don't smoke or drink, and you do this, yet you develop cancer?!? It makes no sense and makes me want to shake people who smoke, are overweight, eat unhealthy and drink lots. If it can happen to me then why would you want to increase your chances! Although I have heard the argument that if someone healthy can get cancer then you might as well carry on with unhealthy ways - sorry, but that makes NO sense to me at all!
I also chatted to the lady sat next to me who was in the early 50s who also suffered from bowel cancer. She felt that she was young to have developed bowel cancer so was even more shocked when she discovered that I also did. Her story was similar to mine; she developed symptoms and was rushed into A&E with a blockage which was diagnosed as Diverticulitis, which is a bowel condition. It was the colonoscopy that discovered her cancer and she went on to have about a foot removed of her colon and was having chemotherapy as a precaution.
So with all this dozing and chatting the 2 hours went very quickly; unfortunately it was near to the end of the 2 hours that my arm became really painful. The drugs are painful when they go through the smaller veins in the hand; I had a heat pack on to help alleviate the pain, but it was still there. It was as if needles were moving through my vein up my arm; and as I write this on Thursday the pain is still very much there. So I need to weigh up the pain against having a Hickman line in my chest which would deliver the chemo straight into my heart, thus avoid the pain from the cannula.
Before we left I had a lovely surprise visit from a very close family friend Jill - she text to see if she could come and kepp us company and it was perfect timing as I had almost finished. So we went for a well deserved cup of tea and a chin wag in the hospital. Jill has been a rock through this experience, always having the right words to say and helping me to stay positive - I love her to bits! So it was lovely seeing her, but unfortunately it got cut a little bit short as I had a phone call from Alexa's nursery to say she had a bit of a temperature - more teething, poor lil thing!
My side effects weren't as severe this time as I left the hospital; but over the past few days that have been returning with a vengeance. The tingling and numbness, exhaustion and nausea. I am thinking that as I had the chemo delivered in a different way through the cannula that the chemo has taken slightly longer to travel around my body - but I may be wrong, just my theory.
Another round done, so another round closer to the end! I am noticing that I am loosing some hair - I tried the bun ring in a high bun, but it made me notice how thin my hair was around the side of my face. So low styles for me I think to disguise this. The thought of loosing my beautiful hair is a very scary prospect, but my wonderful friend Aisha reminded me that 'every lion can afford to lose a bit of their mane in a fight', and thankfully I certainly have enough of a mane.
Cx
Monday, 19 March 2012
Getting ready for round 3
Tomorrow is round three of chemo. I see the Oncologist to discuss my progress and then he will decide if they need to tweak the dosage. I am hopeful that this will happen as my side effects were so intense last time, but if this is the case it will mean a looooooong wait in the RBH whilst the new dosage is made up in the pharmacy and finally released for me to have.
I am not sure how I feel about this round; I am slightly worried about how painful it could be as my PICC line is out and I will be having it through a cannula. Also after the horrific side effects last time I am not looking forward to experiencing them again. That's the hardest bit about all this; for the past week I have felt quite well and relatively normal, but its hard to enjoy this feeling as you know that feeling will be taken away from you in a few days. Although on the whole I am very positive about this whole experience, chemotherapy certainly tests this!
On a positive note, I had a wonderful Mother's Day. I woke up to a lovely card and Zara vouchers from my girl and gave my Mum some yummy choccies from Hotel Chocolate. Then my Mum, Dad, sister Lucy, Alexa and I went to the lambing at a local farm. Although I was very cautious of being around animals, I was able to enjoy a normal day with my girl. She enjoyed looking at the farm animals from a distance, but wasn't as sure when it came to holding the lambs! It was a special day and although I did have to take a bit of a step back, I felt like a normal Mummy.
I have noticed as I write this blog that my word of choice is 'normal'. I think that it a reflection of how cancer and chemotherapy takes over every element of your life. It takes away all of those everyday and mundane things that we take for granted. I cant wait to have a bath without needing to keep my arm/line dry, to get back to work, to be able to drink a really cold drink without my throat spasming, to be able to go out for a drink with my girls, be a normal Mummy, to be able to stay at my own flat again or to be able to get through the day without a nap!! I know that I will get back to all of these things again, and when I do I will appreciate them more. I will not moan about the small things, I will be thankful for the mundane things that I have previously moaned about and I will smile when I am tested in life, because I am grateful that I am still here to experience it all.
Wish me luck for round 3.
Cx
I am not sure how I feel about this round; I am slightly worried about how painful it could be as my PICC line is out and I will be having it through a cannula. Also after the horrific side effects last time I am not looking forward to experiencing them again. That's the hardest bit about all this; for the past week I have felt quite well and relatively normal, but its hard to enjoy this feeling as you know that feeling will be taken away from you in a few days. Although on the whole I am very positive about this whole experience, chemotherapy certainly tests this!
On a positive note, I had a wonderful Mother's Day. I woke up to a lovely card and Zara vouchers from my girl and gave my Mum some yummy choccies from Hotel Chocolate. Then my Mum, Dad, sister Lucy, Alexa and I went to the lambing at a local farm. Although I was very cautious of being around animals, I was able to enjoy a normal day with my girl. She enjoyed looking at the farm animals from a distance, but wasn't as sure when it came to holding the lambs! It was a special day and although I did have to take a bit of a step back, I felt like a normal Mummy.
I have noticed as I write this blog that my word of choice is 'normal'. I think that it a reflection of how cancer and chemotherapy takes over every element of your life. It takes away all of those everyday and mundane things that we take for granted. I cant wait to have a bath without needing to keep my arm/line dry, to get back to work, to be able to drink a really cold drink without my throat spasming, to be able to go out for a drink with my girls, be a normal Mummy, to be able to stay at my own flat again or to be able to get through the day without a nap!! I know that I will get back to all of these things again, and when I do I will appreciate them more. I will not moan about the small things, I will be thankful for the mundane things that I have previously moaned about and I will smile when I am tested in life, because I am grateful that I am still here to experience it all.
Wish me luck for round 3.
Cx
Sunday, 18 March 2012
An eventful week
As you have already read, my PICC line has been testing my patience recently as this week it just drove me mad! It started being sore last Friday when I visited the hospital and they redressed it. When the district nurse came on Monday she changed all the dressings again and as she did the line came out about 2cm, she pushed this back in and carried on with putting the dressings on. Overnight the weeping got even worse, seeping through the dressings and the entry point of the line was beginning to get swollen. This got worse through the day and I eventually went to the hospital in the afternoon. The nurse cleaned the area under the dressing, she put a barrier on and changed all the dressings again.
Wednesday was okay - in fact I had a lovely day! My best buddies Aisha and Sharifa came to visit me. Sharifa has a gorgeous little boy who is 2 days younger than my little girl; so they had fun playing together and we enjoyed drinking tea and eating a yummy cake that my Mum baked. But on Thursday the trips to the hospital began again! I popped in and again they changed the dressings and took a swab to be sure there was no infection. It was now weeping from the entry point and it was getting really swollen. The Nurse allowed my line to come out as far as it wanted to and secured it in its new position. When the district nurse had pushed it in all it had done is push under the skin rather than down the vein, which is why it was so swollen. They also changed the position of where the line lay to give my weeping skin a rest.
So on Friday I made my third trip of the week! They decided to try and save the line by cleaning it with iodine and using a dressing for sensitive skin. She wasn't hopeful that it would last the weekend, so tried to arrange that the inpatient cancer ward could look at it if needs be. But they weren't happy about that! So I would need to go to A&E if it got worse. Overnight it got worse again! Weeping everywhere and getting really swollen, so Saturday morning it was a trip to A&E. I felt like a VIP as they took me through to a room straight away whilst everyone on A&E looked fed up at waiting for 2 hours. I asked the doctor to take it out as this is what the chemo nurse had said to do if it was worse, he was reluctant and wanted to make sure I was really sure that this was what I wanted. Even knowing that the alternative is to have a Hickman line in my cheat, I just wanted it out!! I wanted to give my skin a chance to heal. So after a week where I was at the hospital more than I wasn't I am hopeful that next week will be a bit less eventful. Chemo round 3 is on Tuesday and I am assured that I will be alright to have the chemo through a cannula in my arm.
Wish me luck Cx
Wednesday was okay - in fact I had a lovely day! My best buddies Aisha and Sharifa came to visit me. Sharifa has a gorgeous little boy who is 2 days younger than my little girl; so they had fun playing together and we enjoyed drinking tea and eating a yummy cake that my Mum baked. But on Thursday the trips to the hospital began again! I popped in and again they changed the dressings and took a swab to be sure there was no infection. It was now weeping from the entry point and it was getting really swollen. The Nurse allowed my line to come out as far as it wanted to and secured it in its new position. When the district nurse had pushed it in all it had done is push under the skin rather than down the vein, which is why it was so swollen. They also changed the position of where the line lay to give my weeping skin a rest.
So on Friday I made my third trip of the week! They decided to try and save the line by cleaning it with iodine and using a dressing for sensitive skin. She wasn't hopeful that it would last the weekend, so tried to arrange that the inpatient cancer ward could look at it if needs be. But they weren't happy about that! So I would need to go to A&E if it got worse. Overnight it got worse again! Weeping everywhere and getting really swollen, so Saturday morning it was a trip to A&E. I felt like a VIP as they took me through to a room straight away whilst everyone on A&E looked fed up at waiting for 2 hours. I asked the doctor to take it out as this is what the chemo nurse had said to do if it was worse, he was reluctant and wanted to make sure I was really sure that this was what I wanted. Even knowing that the alternative is to have a Hickman line in my cheat, I just wanted it out!! I wanted to give my skin a chance to heal. So after a week where I was at the hospital more than I wasn't I am hopeful that next week will be a bit less eventful. Chemo round 3 is on Tuesday and I am assured that I will be alright to have the chemo through a cannula in my arm.
Wish me luck Cx
Thursday, 15 March 2012
Char's Angels
I have already written a post about the Race for Life; as you may have read, my Mum and I have ran it every year for the past 5 or so years. This year will be an emotional one I think; I have always had tears in my eyes when I have read people's back dedications saying that they are running the race for themselves. This year this is going to be me. It would be fantastic if those who are local to me could run the race alongside me and if you are not local maybe you could enter the race near to you.
So, I have just created a group to run the Race for Life on Sunday July 22nd 2012 at 11am at Prospect Park. I have called the group 'Char's Angels'. If you would like to join this group please visit Race for Life; you then need to search for the correct race, then click to enter as a group and then input the group's ID, please contact me for this ID number. I have also set up a fundraising page Char's Angels fundraising page where you can donate to this amazing cause.
If you would like to enter a race in other parts of the country then you can visit the Race for Life website and find the race local to you.
Thanks in advance for your support
Cx
A little bit more information
I thought I would go into more detail about the chemotherapy that I am on, again I want to raise awareness about bowel cancer and the treatment that you go through. Hopefully it might encourage anyone worried about symptoms to go and get checked out. Have a look at my post 'Be Clear on Cancer' for more information about the symptoms.
I am on Capox, which is a combination of two chemotherapy drugs called Oxaliplatin and Capecitabine. Every type of cancer has its own chemotherapy drugs that treat the affected area. The dosage that you are given is dependant on your height and weight, and this dosage can be tweaked slightly if you experience severe side effects.
Oxaliplatin is given intravenously (through a vein) and is a colourless fluid. I have mine every 3 weeks and will do for 6 months, but the length of the cycle can be different according to the type of cancer you have and the combination of drugs that you take. As I have a PICC line I don't have to have a cannula inserted every time I go in, the drug goes straight into the PICC line. This is the best way to have this drug as it can be very painful when it goes into smaller veins. The infusion of the Oxaliplatin takes 2 hours and at the same time you are given steroids and anti-sickness drugs through the PICC line.
Capecitabine is given in tablet form which I take the day after I have Oxaliplatin for 2 weeks and then I have a rest for a week before the cycle starts again. Capecitabine can be hard for a lot of people to take, it can cause lots of sickness, mouth ulcers and diarrhoea (among lots of other things!), so some people find that they cannot take the tablets and have to have an alternative drug called 5FU. This is administered intravenously over a period of 22-46 hours, so you need to have a small bottle attached to you for this time. I felt that this was quite intrusive and would impact on my life too much, so I was very pleased that the tablets seemed to agree with me. Alongside these tablets I take steroids and anti-sickness in tablet form for the first 3 days of the cycle.
There are a number of side effects which you can experience from these drugs, but mine are,
Cx
I am on Capox, which is a combination of two chemotherapy drugs called Oxaliplatin and Capecitabine. Every type of cancer has its own chemotherapy drugs that treat the affected area. The dosage that you are given is dependant on your height and weight, and this dosage can be tweaked slightly if you experience severe side effects.
Oxaliplatin is given intravenously (through a vein) and is a colourless fluid. I have mine every 3 weeks and will do for 6 months, but the length of the cycle can be different according to the type of cancer you have and the combination of drugs that you take. As I have a PICC line I don't have to have a cannula inserted every time I go in, the drug goes straight into the PICC line. This is the best way to have this drug as it can be very painful when it goes into smaller veins. The infusion of the Oxaliplatin takes 2 hours and at the same time you are given steroids and anti-sickness drugs through the PICC line.
Capecitabine is given in tablet form which I take the day after I have Oxaliplatin for 2 weeks and then I have a rest for a week before the cycle starts again. Capecitabine can be hard for a lot of people to take, it can cause lots of sickness, mouth ulcers and diarrhoea (among lots of other things!), so some people find that they cannot take the tablets and have to have an alternative drug called 5FU. This is administered intravenously over a period of 22-46 hours, so you need to have a small bottle attached to you for this time. I felt that this was quite intrusive and would impact on my life too much, so I was very pleased that the tablets seemed to agree with me. Alongside these tablets I take steroids and anti-sickness in tablet form for the first 3 days of the cycle.
There are a number of side effects which you can experience from these drugs, but mine are,
- numbness or tingling in hands, neck, throat and feet - this is known as peripheral neuropathy and extremes of cold can make it worse. I find that I can't have cold foods or drinks and I need to wear a scarf when I go outside
- lowered resistance to infection - this is known as neutropenia. So I tend to avoid going to places where I am going to be close to lots of people and it means that I cannot work as I am a nursery teacher. I need to keep an eye on my temperature and if it goes above 38degrees I have to go straight to A&E
- tiredness and feeling weak - sometimes I feel as though I could sleep all day and night and still be exhausted!
- difficulty swallowing and breathing problems - this is known as laryngeal spasm. You can feel as though you throat is closing up and can be made worse by cold temperatures, so a warm drink helps to make it feel better.
- sore mouth and ulcers - I have a special mouthwash to help with the pain
- occasional nausea and diarrhoea
- slight hair thinning
Cx
Wednesday, 14 March 2012
PICC and mix
Mmmmm I love Pick n Mix! M&S have started to sell little packets of traditional Pick n Mix sweets - flying saucers, foam bananas, milk bottles - sweetie heaven :) Anyway, I have gone completely off point!! It isn't Pick n Mix that I was going to talk about, it is my PICC line instead! Not quite as much fun or as tasty as Pick n Mix!
Mine has been testing my patience ever since I had it put in. A PICC line, or peripherally inserted central catheter, is inserted into your upper arm. A specialist nurse uses ultrasound to locate the vein to use in your arm, she then inserts the line (I didn't look at how she actually did this!). The line goes all the way into one of the chambers in the heart; mine is 13inches long. You then have an X-Ray just to make sure that it is in the right place. Many cancer patients have a PICC line or some kind of long-term cannula inserted during their treatment; they help to save your veins from damage from having blood tests and cannulars inserted every time you have chemotherapy or blood. They can stay in place for up to 2 years. It appears that the majority of patients in my chemo ward have a PICC line, but I know that this isn't the same across all PCTs.
So, as you may have already read the PICC line has already fallen out once when I collapsed. I had it put back in to the other arm and this one has been testing my patience ever since. Last week it began feeling a bit sore; I wasn't overly worried as the pain was below where the line goes in, so I knew it wasn't an infection with the line inside me. It got more sore as the week went on, so I popped to the hospital on Friday and the nurse changed all the dressings. She though that I was sensitive to the dressings that go over the line as it sticks out of my skin, so she also put a barrier cream under the new dressings. Over the weekend it began weeping, which worried me as I knew that having no immune system could make this a worse that it needs to be. The district nurse comes every Monday to flush my line with saline and to change all the dressings, so I knew that I would have someone to look at it
When she took the dressing of it did look really sore around the area where the line touches my skin. She did the same as the nurse did; changed the dressings and put the barrier on. But yesterday it had got even worse, it was weeping through the tubular bandage that holds it all in place. I called the hospital and the nurse replied " how soon can you come in?" which made me think that it's obviously serious. So off we went to our second home. This time the nurse took a swab just to make sure there is no infection there. She changed all the dressings again and pinched it around the line sticking out so it is not against the skin. Fingers crossed all is well this time. I don't want to have the PICC line taken out as the chemo that I am having can be really painful when it goes through smaller veins when using a cannula and I really don't fancy that! Also hoping for a week away from hospitals!
Cx
Mine has been testing my patience ever since I had it put in. A PICC line, or peripherally inserted central catheter, is inserted into your upper arm. A specialist nurse uses ultrasound to locate the vein to use in your arm, she then inserts the line (I didn't look at how she actually did this!). The line goes all the way into one of the chambers in the heart; mine is 13inches long. You then have an X-Ray just to make sure that it is in the right place. Many cancer patients have a PICC line or some kind of long-term cannula inserted during their treatment; they help to save your veins from damage from having blood tests and cannulars inserted every time you have chemotherapy or blood. They can stay in place for up to 2 years. It appears that the majority of patients in my chemo ward have a PICC line, but I know that this isn't the same across all PCTs.
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| Here is what the PICC line looks like inside your body |
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| Here is my PICC line - I apologise if you are squeamish! |
So, as you may have already read the PICC line has already fallen out once when I collapsed. I had it put back in to the other arm and this one has been testing my patience ever since. Last week it began feeling a bit sore; I wasn't overly worried as the pain was below where the line goes in, so I knew it wasn't an infection with the line inside me. It got more sore as the week went on, so I popped to the hospital on Friday and the nurse changed all the dressings. She though that I was sensitive to the dressings that go over the line as it sticks out of my skin, so she also put a barrier cream under the new dressings. Over the weekend it began weeping, which worried me as I knew that having no immune system could make this a worse that it needs to be. The district nurse comes every Monday to flush my line with saline and to change all the dressings, so I knew that I would have someone to look at it
When she took the dressing of it did look really sore around the area where the line touches my skin. She did the same as the nurse did; changed the dressings and put the barrier on. But yesterday it had got even worse, it was weeping through the tubular bandage that holds it all in place. I called the hospital and the nurse replied " how soon can you come in?" which made me think that it's obviously serious. So off we went to our second home. This time the nurse took a swab just to make sure there is no infection there. She changed all the dressings again and pinched it around the line sticking out so it is not against the skin. Fingers crossed all is well this time. I don't want to have the PICC line taken out as the chemo that I am having can be really painful when it goes through smaller veins when using a cannula and I really don't fancy that! Also hoping for a week away from hospitals!
Cx
Monday, 12 March 2012
I need your help ladies!
As you can probably see from the picture in my last post, I have got really bad bags under my eyes. I guess the exhaustion from the chemo and the broken nights sleep have caught up with me! So, I wondered if you lovely lot had any recommendations for a good eye cream - I use Dermalogica skincare products, if that helps!
Thanks Cx
Thanks Cx
Making the most of it
My hair has always been my crowning glory. As a child I had white blonde tight curls, that developed into long wavy blonde hair. I have always loved my long hair: I once had a very short bob cut when I was 15, it was so awful! I won't inflict a photo of it on you, but to give you an idea my hair is so thick that my head ended up resembling a mushroom. So ever since then I have been growing it as long as I can; I've always imagined that I will be one of those old women with long white hair. The most drastic thing I have ever done was to go dark and have a bold fringe cut; but now it has become almost like my trade mark. So as you can imagine when I was told I had cancer one of my first thoughts was what will happen to my hair?
My oncologist has assured me that I have a low chance of loosing all of my hair, but I may well loose some. Luckily I have a lot of hair so I am hoping that any hair loss won't be too noticable. To be honest I haven't actually noticed much hair loss yet; I have been removing the hair out of my brush everyday so I can keep an eye on any changes. But in the meantime I am going to make the most of my ample hair; I remember when I was at school I would make sure that I had my hair in a different style everyday. So I am going to try and do this again! This weekend I managed to do a fish tail plait and I bought a large bun ring so I am going to experiment with that this week! Wish me luck!
Cx
My oncologist has assured me that I have a low chance of loosing all of my hair, but I may well loose some. Luckily I have a lot of hair so I am hoping that any hair loss won't be too noticable. To be honest I haven't actually noticed much hair loss yet; I have been removing the hair out of my brush everyday so I can keep an eye on any changes. But in the meantime I am going to make the most of my ample hair; I remember when I was at school I would make sure that I had my hair in a different style everyday. So I am going to try and do this again! This weekend I managed to do a fish tail plait and I bought a large bun ring so I am going to experiment with that this week! Wish me luck!
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| Not a bad attempt at a fish tail plait if I do say so myself! |
What a beautiful end to the week
What a beautiful sunny weekend to end an okay week! I have been feeling increasingly better this week - my side effects have been reducing as the week has gone on. I am beginning to work out my good and bad days; this second week is when I start to feel better and the third week is when I feel quite good! Although I am acutely aware of the fact that my immune system is really low, so whilst I am able to do a few more things this week, I am still nervous about going anywhere where there is a lot of people who would be close to me.
This weekend has been lovely! On Saturday I went to feed the ducks and play in the park with Alexa and my parents. She loved looking at all the ducks; shouting at the swan and trying to catch the flying seagulls. Then we went to the park; she absolutely loved it! Especially the swings - so much so that she pulled a bit of a tantrum when it was time to leave! Seeing as she turned one in January, I thought that I had some grace before the tantrums started! Then on the Sunday it was Alexa's swimming lesson; I have been struggling with the fact that I can only be a spectator, so this week I have working on seeing the positives. I don't have to get my hair wet and I can take lots of lovely pictures; so I did feel a lot happier about watching this time. She then spent the afternoon with her Daddy and I went shopping with Mum and Dad; although I didn't buy anything it was lovely to be out and get some fresh air
All of this made me feel quite 'normal' this weekend. So much so that I don't think I though about cancer and chemo very much! My make-up purchases from last weekend made me feel like I didn't look like a cancer patient and I had my lovely Zara tees to wear. The only constant reminder was my PICC line making an appearance whenever I took my jacket off; but as my Mum reminded me, I should be proud of it as it's helping to give me a fighting chance of living a long and healthy life.
I hope you all have a lovely week and that this sunshine becomes a bit more of a permanent fixture.
Cx
This weekend has been lovely! On Saturday I went to feed the ducks and play in the park with Alexa and my parents. She loved looking at all the ducks; shouting at the swan and trying to catch the flying seagulls. Then we went to the park; she absolutely loved it! Especially the swings - so much so that she pulled a bit of a tantrum when it was time to leave! Seeing as she turned one in January, I thought that I had some grace before the tantrums started! Then on the Sunday it was Alexa's swimming lesson; I have been struggling with the fact that I can only be a spectator, so this week I have working on seeing the positives. I don't have to get my hair wet and I can take lots of lovely pictures; so I did feel a lot happier about watching this time. She then spent the afternoon with her Daddy and I went shopping with Mum and Dad; although I didn't buy anything it was lovely to be out and get some fresh air
All of this made me feel quite 'normal' this weekend. So much so that I don't think I though about cancer and chemo very much! My make-up purchases from last weekend made me feel like I didn't look like a cancer patient and I had my lovely Zara tees to wear. The only constant reminder was my PICC line making an appearance whenever I took my jacket off; but as my Mum reminded me, I should be proud of it as it's helping to give me a fighting chance of living a long and healthy life.
I hope you all have a lovely week and that this sunshine becomes a bit more of a permanent fixture.
Cx
Friday, 9 March 2012
Overwhelmed again!
Yesterday was International Women's Day and I was completely overwhelmed by a blog post that a friend did about me. I know the Lovely Lauren through my best friend Lucy P - she is one of the funniest people I have ever met and one of the kindest. I knew she was planning to write a post to promote my blog and the Beating Bowel Cancer charity - but I must admit I was very emotional when I read the post that she dedicated to me.
It is strange when you read your story written by someone else - reading it was almost as though I was reading someone else's story! I was sat there thinking "oh how awful" - then remembered that it's actually my life! I know that makes sense at all! I suppose, as I may have said before, you just get on with what you have been dealt. The life I am living now is 'normal' for me, and although I can see an end to it eventually, I have kind of got used to the new routines and surprises that cancer treatment brings.
So, thank you Lauren for making me realise what I have gone through and for saying that I am an inspiration (*blushes*). It is so very touching and inspires me to continue to fight the fight!
Cx
Have a read of Lauren's post http://www.its-the-little-things.com/2012/03/im-every-woman.html - not only did I find it very, very touching, but it also made me giggle out loud!! Make sure you read all of her blog - its worth it. She is always doing exciting things and she is honestly so very funny. Love you Lolli xxx
So, thank you Lauren for making me realise what I have gone through and for saying that I am an inspiration (*blushes*). It is so very touching and inspires me to continue to fight the fight!
Cx
Wednesday, 7 March 2012
So overwhelmed x
Since starting this blog I have been so overwhelmed by the reaction from friends, family, acquaintances and strangers. I didn't imagine that I would have such amazing feedback, as my main incentive for starting the blog was as a therapeutic tool for myself. I have had over 3000 views (I don't have a clue if that is 'good' or not, but to me it's amazing!) and people from all over the world have read my story - even in places such as Japan, Russia, Sri Lanka, New Zealand and Saudi Arabia! I have had messages from old friends and colleagues thanking me for inspiring them to get their health checked out - this is exactly why it is so important to raise awareness not only of bowel cancer, but of any cancer, in fact just to raise awareness that you need to listen to your bodies and make health care professionals listen to you.
I have also been in touch with other young women who have gone through or are going through bowel cancer treatment. This has been very inspiring and amazingly comforting, as we are all able to support each other as we know exactly how each of us are feeling. Although having the support from those close to us is invaluable, it is great to be able to be in touch with someone who truly understands how you feel emotionally and physically. It also made me even more aware that cases of bowel cancer are clearly rising amongst young people. It seems that if there is a 'good time' to have cancer then it is now - social media and the internet has ensured that I feel so supported and I always have a place to turn to.
I have also been overwhelmed by fund raising support that has been inspired by my story. I have had so many people who have said that they are going to run the Race For Life this year and you will already have read about my friend Lois who is raising funds for Beating Bowel Cancer. My little girl's Uncle Stuart and Auntie Natalie are also running the Reading Half Marathon to raise money for Cancer Research and Arthritis Research - you can visit their fundraising page at http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/NatandStuClarke . The work that these charities do is invaluable and the research that has already been carried out has helped to raise survival rates for cancer, especially for bowel cancer.
So, thank you for taking the time to listen to my story, it means so much to me. I have at times found it emotional and wondered if I should be haring such a personal experience in such a public way, but the feedback I have received has made me certain that it is the right thing to do, for so many reasons.
Cx
I have also been in touch with other young women who have gone through or are going through bowel cancer treatment. This has been very inspiring and amazingly comforting, as we are all able to support each other as we know exactly how each of us are feeling. Although having the support from those close to us is invaluable, it is great to be able to be in touch with someone who truly understands how you feel emotionally and physically. It also made me even more aware that cases of bowel cancer are clearly rising amongst young people. It seems that if there is a 'good time' to have cancer then it is now - social media and the internet has ensured that I feel so supported and I always have a place to turn to.
I have also been overwhelmed by fund raising support that has been inspired by my story. I have had so many people who have said that they are going to run the Race For Life this year and you will already have read about my friend Lois who is raising funds for Beating Bowel Cancer. My little girl's Uncle Stuart and Auntie Natalie are also running the Reading Half Marathon to raise money for Cancer Research and Arthritis Research - you can visit their fundraising page at http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/NatandStuClarke . The work that these charities do is invaluable and the research that has already been carried out has helped to raise survival rates for cancer, especially for bowel cancer.
So, thank you for taking the time to listen to my story, it means so much to me. I have at times found it emotional and wondered if I should be haring such a personal experience in such a public way, but the feedback I have received has made me certain that it is the right thing to do, for so many reasons.
Cx
Tuesday, 6 March 2012
We are all allowed a down day.
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| I try to remind myself of this on tough days - image from kushandwizdom.com |
I apologise for neglecting my blog this week; my side affects have been quite severe this time and I have had problems with my hands. They keep freezing so that I cannot move my fingers, so typing has been some what of a challenge! My face has been going crazy too; I went to my favourite place, Space.NK to get some new foundation and as the lovely lady was re-applying my foundation my face kept freezing! I looked like botox gone seriously wrong! Luckily it just meant we could have a giggle about it, but it was very odd and made me crave being 'normal' again - although as my Mum quite rightly pointed out, I'm not sure I ever have been 'normal'!
This whole journey is more of a rollercoaster ride if I'm honest. Ive never been a fan of rollercoasters; they make you feel out of control and you never know what direction you are going to go next. This is exactly how I feel at the moment. I wouldn't say I'm a control freak, well ok then I would, so this is definitely one rollercoaster ride that I cannot wait to get off of! I try so hard to keep my life as normal as possible; I stick to Alexa's routines, take her to nursery (when she's not poorly or they have got chicken pox), I try to plan fun times with friends and family and I make sure I get dressed and do my make up everyday. Its funny how when a spanner is thrown in the works you really do appreciate normality; I crave to get back to work and see all my little kiddies and have a cuppa and chat in the staff room or to get dressed up and have a turkish delight cocktail and giggles with the girls.
But, normality at the moment is cancer and chemotherapy. I suppose I should be somewhat used to it now, but it is really hard. This week has reminded me even more that normality is a long way off yet. My side affects have been really severe and they don't seem to be wearing off this time, plus I have caught a cold which means constant monitoring of my temperature and being knocked for six!
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| Another inspirational quote from kushandwizdom.com |
Thursday, 1 March 2012
One month to go...
My gorgeous and life-long family friend Lois is running the Reading Half Marathon in a month's time. She is going to run it to save money for the Beating Bowel Cancer charity. I feel very touched that she has decided to run this race for such a worthwhile charity. They have been really supportive to me; always there at the end of the phone and tweeting me to make sure that I am feeling well through the chemotherapy.
It would mean so much if you were able to sponsor Lois in her race. She is running just over 13 miles and she has been in training for a while. She has a knee injury but has been working hard to stay on track with her training. I feel very proud of Lois and I am looking forward to supporting her from the sidelines. Here is the link to her fundraising page, www.justgiving.com/loisnorth86 please visit it and even the smallest amount donated makes a difference. I have just donated, so what's stopping you???
Thank you Cx
It would mean so much if you were able to sponsor Lois in her race. She is running just over 13 miles and she has been in training for a while. She has a knee injury but has been working hard to stay on track with her training. I feel very proud of Lois and I am looking forward to supporting her from the sidelines. Here is the link to her fundraising page, www.justgiving.com/loisnorth86 please visit it and even the smallest amount donated makes a difference. I have just donated, so what's stopping you???
Thank you Cx
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